H&A Epic Hobbit Adventure
by Bloody-kick-ass
Summary: Two friends mysteriously appear in an unfamiliar land. How will they survive? OC1/Kili, OC2/Legolas, self insert, follows the movies, rated M for language and descriptive violence. RARE updates! Very little actual romance at this point, will be more focused on Legolas in the future!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The World could never know important events would happen before they happened. It was taken by surprise by everything that happened, happens and will happen. But The World was old. Every day things like Birth and Death did their work around The World and after some time The World got used to it.

Needless to say, when two seemingly ordinary girls were born The World never suspected anything wrong. The first girl seemed normal when growing up, having a relatively normal childhood and normal friends. The second girl didn't stick out of her peers either. Sure, they were a bit enthusiastic about stories of magic and unreal creatures, but what child wasn't? While growing up they dreamed of fantastic worlds so much different than The World they were living in, just as many other child has done before them.

They didn't seem different than any other child to The World.

But one day, the girls met.

And soon, an odd friendship was born.

The World didn't take much notice of their friendship though.

The World had lived too long to think it was of any importance to him.

But The World didn't know something.

Something odd was brewing in the lives of the girls.

And when it finally reaches its boiling point…

The World will never know what hit it.


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1  
>"They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said NO NO NO!" Laughter and off key singing echoed through the dense park woods. Hannah and Alice, two teenage girls, celebrating their recent high school graduation, ventured forth through the trees towards their favorite coffee shop, their shoes splashing in the small puddles created by the recent summer rain on the dirty paved path. From afar, they might have been seen as just an ordinary pair of young women enjoying each others company, but once one stepped closer to the sight, they noticed the odd interaction of the two. Hannah and Alice were quite different on the outside, one being a slim, slightly tanned red head wearing a grey cat eared hoody, blue jeans and her usual Garfield shirt, and the other an extremely pale shorter curvy blonde covered with a tan knitted hoody, black jeans and a black shirt adorning a pair of rimless glasses on the bridge of her nose. Despite this, anyone could see they had very similar personalities: their words fast, a mix of English and their native language, usually followed by laughter and spontaneous bursts into song in the middle of a sentence. They seemed to share their thoughts, making their conversations very interesting and odd to any on looker.<br>"I still can't believe we are going to university soon" Exclaimed Alice, interrupting their appalling re enactment of 'Under The Sea'.  
>"Yeah, the summer seems to have just-"<br>"Completely vanished under our sleepy eyes?"  
>"Well put, exactly"<br>"Thank you, I try" Laughter followed the short conversation, just as usual.  
>While entrapped in their antics, the friends failed to notice the change in their surroundings. The path through the woods became denser, less light seeping through the leaves than before, creating a foreboding atmosphere. There were less and less passerby's, until eventually the duo was left alone. Soon, the trees around them started to look older, fiercer, the grass greener, the path smaller.<br>"Rabbit!" Squealed Alice, catching the sight of a fluffy tail in the corner of her eye.  
>"Bull, there are no rabbits in these parts... Wait a minute." Hannah, always the worrier, stopped their walk."Where the hell are we?!"<br>" I don't know, we walked the same path as always, but things started changing a while back. Such a cute rabbit." The blonde smiled goofily without a thought, proving that her hair color was given to her correctly.  
>"Why the hell did you not say anything?!"<br>"Chill, I figured the park woods are small, we'll come out of them somewhere. Besides, I got a knife, we're cool." Alice flung her arms around in a multitude of gestures, as if to prove her point further.  
>"Jesus fucking Christ we are so not getting to the coffee place today! Let's turn back and try to find the usual path again." Hannah, annoyed, turned on the spot and started to march back to where they came from, a slight stomp to her steps.<br>"But-"  
>"MOVE"<br>"Ok" Whining, her friend skipped after her, now trying to figure out how to get out of this predicament.  
>"I KNOW!" A thought passed through her brain. " GPS, bitchez!" She immediately started digging through her pockets, urging Hannah to do the same.<br>"No. NO. NOOOOO!" Birds flew from the trees, startled by the blonde's decibels.  
>"Yours is dead too? Weird" Hannah soon broke her calm yet frustrated exterior "My poor phone, what has it ever done to deserve this?" And soon the friends started sniffling and whining, which slowly turned into chuckles and full blown laughter.<br>"Shouldn't we have gone back to where we came from by now?"  
>"Yeah.." An uneasy silence fell onto the company. After some time, the realization sunk in to the girls: they were completely lost.<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2  
>We wandered for a long time, Hannah and I. When we finally both agreed we were lost the sun, as much as we could see it through the trees and slightly heavy clouds, had already begun to set. We didn't know where we were, or how we got here, or what dangers this place could send our way. We momentarily panicked, but quickly I remembered all the survival shows and lectures I have heard and read about. Now the only problem besides being lost in a random forest was figuring out what to do first.<br>"Alright, I'm hungry, tired, and it's getting darker by the minute. I say we light a fire." A logical opinion, as always, came from my friend. Quickly thinking through the idea of a fire, I almost immediately mewed and started rambling.  
>"Yeah, OK, let's think that through. Pros: we're warm, we have light, we have a place to cook possible food and sleep, someone might see the fire and help us out, forest animals would be scared off and wouldn't bother us -"<br>"Exactly, let's do it!"  
>"Unfortunately there are also many cons generated by my paranoid mind: we could set the forest and ourselves on fire, we could attract unwanted and possibly danger bearing attention, and, of course, we also have no idea how to start a fire in the woods."<br>"I thought you said you know how to do all this survival stuff!"  
>"Yeah, I know how, I just fail whenever I try" I snorted a little, amused of Hannah's annoyed expression, which really was her normal face around me.<br>"So, no fire" Looking peeved at the shake of my head, she spun around in place and started looking around.  
>"We need at least a relatively safe place to sleep, start looking around for some kind if shelter."<br>"Can't we just sleep in a tree?"  
>"If you wanna try climbing up one of these just to fall down and die while trying to sleep, be my guest!"<br>"Geez, no need to be so snappy..." Frowning at the red head, I started walking and looking around, trying to stay close enough to her so we wouldn't get separated, yet far enough to be able to see further ahead through my glasses in the quickly diminishing light.  
>"This is fucking useless, we're gonna die because you wanted coffee!" I guess the famous ginger temperament counts even if you simply dyed your hair a reddish color.<br>"Oh shut up, you wanted coffee more than I did! Besides, once we find a place to sleep, like a cave or something, I'll stay closer to the entrance, ok?"  
>"Fine, but take out your knife just in case, it's dark and it's creeping me out, just don't kill me."<br>Digging into my small leather bag, I pulled out an old switchblade that once upon a time was decorated in horn detail and was shiny, but now was missing half its ornaments. The blade jumped out after I pressed a button, slightly startling me with its speed.  
>"I regret not taking any other 'survival' gear of my brothers." I laughed. Of course, I had no way of knowing we would get lost, but it was a nice thought.<br>"Mhmm, I totally agree."  
>Since the darkness of the night was upon us faster than we expected, we forgot our dreams of a cozy cave and huddled under a half fallen tree branch, leaves and sharp branches covering our backs and hiding our view of the sky. As per agreement, I lied closer to the 'entrance', knife held tightly in my hand. We huddled into our hoodies and said our goodnights. Soon, my friends breathing slowed and evened out, letting me know she was asleep. Slowly I rose from my place next to her, senses alert, and sat down in a more comfortable position to spring out of just in case. I was not about to fall asleep in an unfamiliar place with no protection. This was going to be a long night.<p>

Ever so slowly, dawn approached. Fuck, staying up all night with nothing to do but sit and stay alert fricking sucked, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the night was uneventful, besides Hannah's snoring that is. As light started to spread across the sky, a thought about food came to my mind. We needed to drink, or at least eat something. Deeming it safe enough to leave my companion alone, I covered her up in some more discarded tree branches, just in case, and ventured forth, trying to locate some kind of source of water. I hoped Hannah would be smart enough to stay in one place, it probably wasn't smart to not leave a note.  
>"Here, water water water..." The lack of sleep made me slightly wonky, but not so much more than usual. I cleared my dry throat, glancing around, listening for any sound that could be caused by water. Venturing further west, where the forest seemed more luscious and the ground more damp, I heard a trickle of water.<br>"Success!" Mentally jumping around I quickly located the source of the wondrous liquid: a stream that could be considered a small river. Despite my throat screaming at me to take a sip, I carefully looked around and in the water, not wanting to poison myself. Not having a way to boil it or clean it through, I gave up the idea, scooped up some water in my palm and after careful inspection gulped it down. Tasting nothing wrong with it I drank some more and turned around to go back to my friend, trying to memorize the way to the stream as best as I could, while also looking around for any form of food.  
>"Wait, is that a chicken?!"<p>

"Oi! Wake up, narwhal-face!"  
>Low mumbles of curses flowed out of Hannah's mouth as she hid her face into her elbow, away from me.<br>"There's a spider on your shoulder."  
>That got a reaction. Screaming, she immediately jumped of, brushing off her shoulders in frantic movements, while I laughed in the background.<br>"Is it gone?! Is it gone?!" Noticing my red face her panicked expression soured. "There was nothing there, right?"  
>"Yup!"<br>"I hate you."  
>"I know!" I answered her glowering stare, cheerful as ever.<br>"You'll be happy to know, that while you rested your tushy in a calm sleep, I protected the camp!"  
>"What camp, it's just a bunch of branches." Deadpanned Hannah, still not amused of my antics this early in the morning (though who knows what time it is, my iphone is dead). "What do you mean protected it?"<br>"Oh, I didn't sleep and kept watch on the surroundings." I grinned, trying to channel my inner happy puppy, despite feeling like keeling over and dying just to get some sleep.  
>"You are crazy, woman."<br>"Yeah, but you're still glad I did it."  
>"Kinda, yeah."<br>"Good. I also thought ahead about water and food. There's a stream up ahead and I found some food, it should be there too if some animal hadn't found it."  
>She raised her eyebrow.<br>"You left the food unsupervised?"  
>"Well sorry, I thought you'd be freaking out over me not being here, you sleepy head!"<br>"Why didn't you just bring it here?"  
>"Oh, you'll see." Hardly containing my amusement, I rose from my crouch beside her. "Let's move, unicorn! Go go go!" Grabbing her arm and raising her up, I chanted, ignoring her whining.<br>"Move it, move it!"  
>After some feet shuffling and tripping over a root or three, we barged through the bushes near the stream.<br>"Tadaaaam! You can drink it, I don't think it's poisonous. It's a bit cold, so washing up is a bit hard to do without freezing. You can go though, I washed up after I caught lunch, breakfast and dinner for today."  
>"Good job, my monkey slave!" Patting my back, Hannah leaned over to the stream for a drink. "What is that food you mentioned?"<br>"Here, I killed it myself" I grinned, showing her my prize, hanging off a stick.  
>"Holly crap is that a chicken?!"<br>"WAS a chicken. I buried all the intestines and feathers and the head and stuff further away, so animals can't smell it and if they do they're not immediately on us. I washed it off too!"  
>"You killed a chicken." She seemed in shock, her face pale and mouth open; I was so proud of myself.<br>"Yup! Now all we need is a fire and we are in business!"  
>"Good luck with that. You said you can't do it yesterday."<br>"Oh, I did, I just lied because I'm paranoid! Now go wash up, you stink."

Making. Fires. Is. Hard.  
>After about an hour and a half, by which time I was already starting to fear my meal decomposing without a refrigerator, I got a fire going. Hannah tried to help, but failed miserably and let me try myself. Our makeshift fire pit surrounded by rocks was filled with dried up branches and cracking, illuminating my discarded rock and knife, which was most likely chipped beyond salvation. Soon enough, the chicken was sizzling, giving off a delicious smell even without the help of spices.<br>"Food, glorious food.." I sang under my breath, not taking my eyes off the food.  
>"How long until it's cooked?" Our bellies started rumbling ages ago. Fortunately I was smart enough to divide the chicken into smaller peaces so it would roast on the sticks faster.<br>"Soon" I said, looking at her with wide eyes, which thankfully caused her to laugh. The fact that after so much time no one has found us really worried us both, especially now that the fire was lit. Could nobody see it? The park we walked through the day before was not nearly large enough to hide us for so long, and I was pretty sure it didn't have a spring flowing through it. There was a river, but it flowed near the roads full of cars, so we would have heard them by now. Despite this worrying us both, I tried to amp up my carefree persona, to relieve the tension at least somewhat, no need to make Hannah panic.  
>The food was finally cooked, and we ate it with an animalistic appetite, teeth gleaming.<br>"Phew, that was yum!" I grinned.  
>"Yeah, good thing you're crazy enough to kill a chicken. Where the hell did the chicken come from? I don't think there are wild chickens in the local park." I sighed, guess there's no avoiding it.<br>"Hannah, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."  
>"Kansas, why would we ever be in Kansas?"<br>"Stupid, what I meant was we're not where we were before but I have no idea where! Nothing here looks like anything back home!"  
>"Shit."<br>"Correct."  
>"So how do you think we got here?"<br>"I dunno, magic? Seems as good an answer as any."  
>"Sure, magic, why not."<br>"We should put the fire out and keep going, maybe we'll find something before sunset." I sighed, and rose from my place on the soft ground.  
>"Yeah, ok."<br>As soon as we put the fire out, something happened. A rumbling sound approached from the east, like tons of small feet hitting the ground and something big hitting bushes askew. I grabbed my knife, raising it in front of me.  
>"Hannah, hide behind something big!" she quickly stepped behind me. "Thanks.." I tried to glare at her, but something bursting through the bushes shocked me into forgetting about it.<br>We gaped at a sledge, pulled by BUNNIES, on which a small, dirty old man wearing a hat and a brown dirty...cloak? stood. His face, though looking like it would normally be very happy and pleasant, was turned into an angry frown as he came off the sledge and closer to us.

This was the oddest situation I had ever been in. The old man, after climbing off his old and over-used looking sledge, immediately started screaming at us for disrupting the peace of the forest in his quivering and stuttering voice.  
>"What-what are you d-d-doing here?! The nerve- the blatant disrespect to the forest! A fire! A-and you k-k-killed! A chicken!" The poor, crazy looking old man was shaking, red faced, stomping around our camp site, waving his hands. Hannah and I looked at him, eyebrows raised at not only him, but the bunnies and the birds that appeared out of nowhere, chirping and jumping around as if expressing their dislike of us invading their territory.<br>"Oh, the poor chicken..." Shaking his head he looked down, tears flooding his eyes. Seeing them and fully understanding that this man was not all right in the head, Hannah and I panicked, glancing around and at each other.  
>"Um...sir?" That got his attention, if only slightly, just to turn his head more into our direction, still sniffing and sorrowfully moaning about the chicken under his breath.<br>"My friend and I are very sorry for whatever we did to hurt, insult or inconvenience you or the forest, right Alice?" Throwing the last part of the sentence along with a glare to me, Hannah tried defusing the situation.  
>"I regret nothing" Cue a sharp elbow to my side; "But I apologize nonetheless, sir." Our faces betraying nothing but innocence, our words calmed the man considerably.<br>"Oh, it-it's alright, I accept your apologies." He shuffled around in place, jittery, and glanced around before turning to us. "Wha-what are you doing here? These parts of the woods are much too far away from any road for a traveler to pass by!" He gestured around, his huffy puffy voice expressing his confusion.  
>"We seem to have gotten lost a day ago while walking through a small park, sir...?" I raised my eyebrow, trying to not be very rude.<br>"O-oh yes, do excuse my manners, ladies, I am Radagast, the Brown Wizard of Middle Earth." He bowed. For a man who stuttered so much he seemed quite confident.  
>Hannah and I glanced at each other wearing identical surprised and disbelieving expressions.<br>"It is an honor to meet you, Master Wizard, I am Alice, and this is my friend Hannah." I smiled, trying to bow or curtsey. I don't know why, but calling him Master Wizard seemed appropriate. Hannah on the other hand, just gaped at Radagast and I. I understood that the idea of him being a wizard was completely insane, but I didn't want to provoke Radagast, and I figured as long as we played along he could maybe help us out. Throwing a look that obviously meant 'play along' to Hannah, I turned to Radagast, who seemed pleased at my manners.  
>"If you are a wizard, maybe you could help us understand what happened?" Hannah finally realized what I was trying to do, it seemed.<br>"What do you mean, dear girl?" He seemed quite surprised that him being a wizard could help us.  
>"You see, we got lost on rather unusual circumstance. A day ago, we were walking through a small forest near our homes, when oddly, the forest changed before our eyes. We tried to go back the same way, but no matter how much we walked in the direction of home we could not escape the forest."<br>Apparently, that had interested him a lot. After some bumbling under his breath and some rather odd facial expressions (though everything by then seemed so strange it didn't stand out much), he nodded.

"Yes, yes, that does seem unusual... Where did you say you live?"

After telling him our addresses, we seemed to have encountered another problem. He had no idea where our town was or that it even existed. The same went for our country, continent, and pretty much any other location we could think of. Either he was really loony or we were in some deep shit.

"I am sorry, dear girls, but I'm afraid I have never heard of these places before... But maybe... Maybe you could point them out in a map?"

Almost immediately agreeing in a flurry of shouts, nods and gestures, we decided to follow Radagast to his home.

Riding a sledge led by rabbits was a lot more different than I thought it would be. I figured, anything involved with bunnies would be fun, but boy was I wrong.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The echo of the combined screams of Hannah and I flowed through the forest. One thing the rabbits didn't lack was speed, and given Radagast's slightly mad persona, it was safe to say he was not the most reliable driver.

After what seemed like ages but must have been merely minutes we stopped and got off the sledge with shaky legs. Looking over it I could hardly believe the three of us could fit on the small contraption, let alone be able to fly at such speeds. By the look on Hannah's face, she was thinking the same. Ignorant of our trembling knees Radagast cheerily stepped closer towards his house. Our gaze following him, my friend and I stopped to stare yet again. I gaped for almost a minute, vaguely hearing the red head next to me gasp and mutter something under her breath.

Radagast's house seemed more like a shack at first glance. The wood was old and falling apart, dark and worn from years of standing. But we were gaping at another aspect of the house. From inside of the house, a great tree was growing, breaking the roof and forcing through the walls. It was quite a unique sight.

Eventually, Hannah and I walked in through the crooked doorway. The inside of the shack looked eerily similar to the outside, besides the roots of the great tree peeking through the furniture. Radagast was running around, opening cupboards and drawers, shuffling pieces of parchment and mumbling under his breath.

"Ah! Here we are..."

He quickly faced the table in the middle of the room and carelessly swiped his hand across it to remove any unneeded objects which clattered onto the floor. Seeing the big map already lay onto the surface, our gaping mouths snapped shut. Glancing at each other briefly we hurried to stand next to the supposed wizard.

"Now, where did you say your village was? Rohan, perhaps?"

Once again, my friend and I were left completely baffled.

"B-but... What is this?"

"Well it's a map of Middle Earth, of course!"

Hannah continued to stutter expressions of confusion, while I took the time to analyze the map as much as I could. Maybe the old man was trying to fool us? But the map looked far too old and detailed to be merely a tool to trick us with.

"I'm sorry, Master Wizard, but we don't recognize any of the lands on this map. In fact, even the shore line for the sea is unfamiliar, and we have been taught to recognize any land in the world just by their country lines." I shook my head, my voice low and vibrating with worry and confusion.

"Hmm... that is very concerning..." After some squabble, I agreed to draw rough sketches of maps of the world, our country and mark where we were when we got lost. Radagast would then try to compare them to his own various old maps. So, now armed with pieces of parchment and charcoal I dragged the still shockingly silent Hannah outside and sat on the lush grass.

"Where are we?" A hushed question reached my ears, startling me out of focus. I looked up to Hannah, sighed, set my half finished drawing aside and tugged Hannah down to sit beside me. She flopped down like a bag of potatoes.

"I don't know. But we'll be fine. We're always fine." I smiled, trying to encourage her. Unfortunately, she still looked out of it, but threads of anger started to seep through her facade.

"How? And how do we get back home?"

"Well, I figured that our earlier guess was right when I saw the sledge with the rabbits. Magic. If everything Radagast says is true, it's not too far fetched to think we somehow magically traveled from our world to this one. Like in Alice in Wonderland. Or, if you prefer, we could've fallen through a rift in dimensions like in Doctor Who." An amusing thought, but a possible explanation nonetheless. Apparently, it was good enough for Hannah.

"So... now what? How do we get back?"

"Simple really. We either try to live here forever, or we go on some epic adventure, defeat a dragon or something, and find a magical way back home. Usually, once an adventure ends, the hero, or heroes, go back home. But this is just my fairytale logic." At this, she perked up considerably.

"Think that would work?"

"It should, but if it doesn't: hey, we get to see a dragon or go on an epic adventure! It would be dangerous as hell, but we could learn a lot, you know, character building!" I happily swung my arms around, leaning back into the grass.

"So that's our plan? Find an epic adventure to go on and hope we'll return home that when it's over?" She looked a bit skeptical, but determined enough to go through with it if needed.

"Yup! Unless Radagast knows another way. This reminds me, I need to finish these drawings for him." Grabbing my tools I resumed my task, sketching the World.


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Fortunately or unfortunately Radagast did not know how to send us back home or find any maps describing lands familiar to us. He did know of another wizard that could possibly help us though, Gandalf the Grey. So, after spending the night at his shack, pouring over maps and trying to learn everything there was to learn about Middle Earth in one day, Hannah and I set of to see the Grey Wizard. To make sure we didn't die on the way, Radagast was kind enough to supply each of us with a bed roll and pack stuffed with food, water and other necessities. He also supplied us with cloaks and daggers to protect ourselves, and let us borrow one of his maps and a compass. All in all, we were greatly indebted to him and promised to somehow return the favor in the future.

Besides all these great things, Radagast gave us two ponies.

"Left, go left! No, the other way! Wou-aah!" And that was the third time I had fallen off my pony. I named her Squiggles, because of the odd black markings on her otherwise white coat. Hannah sniggered, riding forward. She finally managed to control her hazelnut brown beast, Rumble, a few minutes ago, falling only twice.

"I win!"

Grumbling I got up and climbed onto Squiggles. This time I was determined to not fall.

We traveled for a few days, maybe more. Our butts really hurt for the first two, got used to it later on, and food rations were getting low, even if we stopped to gather fruits and such once in a while. Radagast had sent some bird with a message to Gandalf, and had arranged us to meet with him in an inn in some town Bree. I was not sure of the details, but knew Hannah knew where to go. According to our map, we should reach Bree before nightfall.

The gate to Bree was not what we expected. Bree was not a town, but a village, so the gate was wooden and even though it seemed sturdy enough to withhold a small amount of people, it would not last against a larger attack. Riding up to the gate we dismounted our ponies, holding their reigns in one hand. Fortunately, since there was still some time before sunset, the gate was open, but we were afraid we'd trample someone with our little beasts in the small streets.

"What was the inn called?"

"The Prancing Pony."

"Heh, ironic."

Smirking I followed Hannah's lead through the streets. After some wondering about, we found the Prancing Pony.

"Seems kinda...shady, no?"

"Maybe a bit... We have no choice but to go in though." Sighing, we sloppily tied our ponies to the mast or whatever that thing is called and walked into the inn.

Even though the sun was still up, the party in the Prancing Pony was in full swing. Quickly glancing over the crowd just to be sure I stepped closer to the counter, Hannah standing near me.

"Hello, young ladies, what can I do for ya?" A kindly older man, the innkeeper no doubt, asked us.

"We're looking for Gandalf the Gray, do you know if he's here?" I took charge, not bothering to argue with my friend.

"Gandalf the Gray, huh? Old man's in the corner over there." He nudged his head towards his left.

"Anything else?"

Sharing a glance with Hannah I turned to the innkeeper again and smiled.

"Nothing for now, thank you."

"You know where to find me if you need anything, young ladies!" Smiling he turned around and walked away, closer to the bar.

"Do you see him?" I turned to the red head at my side.

"I think so... That old dude in grey sitting with that kinda short guy with awesome dark hair."

"Yeah, no one else here looks like a "Grey Wizard"... Wonder who the other guy is, we were only supposed to meet with Gandalf, right?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe he's a dwarf. Looks like a dwarf."

"Who knows, maybe he's just short? Oh, who cares, let's just go and ask the older one if he's Gandalf."

We started walking closer to their table. Half way there, the shorter one stood up, shook the old mans hand, said something inaudible to us and walked away towards the door leading out of the inn. When he passed me, his shoulder slightly brushed mine and our eyes connected for half a second. It was such a movie moment; it seemed like it happened in slow motion. Turning my head back straight I kept my expression calm. His eyes looked unnaturally blue and troubled.

We finally walked up to Gandalf. He lifted his eyebrow in a silent question to our presence.

"Good Evening. Are you Gandalf the Grey?" Way to be blunt, Hannah.

"Yes, I am. And who might you, young ladies, be?"

"I am Alice, this is my friend Hannah. We're the ones Radagast wrote to you about."

"Ah, yes." He nodded in understanding. "Please, sit, I suppose we have a lot to speak about. Radagast was very detailed in his letter."

Hannah sat on the chair left by the other man, while I stole one from a next door table and slid over to sit next to her.

"I must say, your situation is most curious. I have never heard anything like it." We frowned immediately.

"Can you help us?"

"I'm afraid I know of no spell or ritual that could help you get back where you came from." That damn near shattered us. In the corner of my eye I saw Hannah look down, eyes full of sorrow.

"However, I believe your theory about an adventure could quite possibly work." He laced his fingers together, touching his chin lightly. "Travels like that don't just happen, or else there would be many more people in similar situations. I believe you are right in saying you were brought here for a purpose."

"Told you." My small remark towards Hannah made him smile and his eyes twinkle in an odd dumbledory way. Hannah just glared at me in a look that screamed 'shut up'.

"What do you think we should do then?" She picked up the conversation.

"Are you certain that you are looking for an adventure?" Another quirk of the eyebrow.

"Yes. We realize that it would be highly dangerous, but we know that the reward is greater than the risks."

"Very well. I assume you saw the dwarf that was earlier with me?" We nodded. "His name is Thorin Oakenshield and he has asked for my help in an adventure. He is leading an expedition to reclaim the Lonely Mountain, Erebor, from the dragon Smaug. The journey will be long and hard, riddled with many dangers. He has a team of thirteen dwarves, and has given me the right to pick the fourteenth member of the group: The Burglar. Unfortunately, I already have a person in mind for this occupation. I would like to invite you both to this quest, but adding you into the company would be hard, considering we have to convince Thorin to let you come with." He sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds. "Do you have any skills to contribute to the company?"

"I can shoot a bow, but I don't have a bow." I grinned cheekily.

"I can't fight very well, but I can cook." Hannah crossed her arms, a bit put down.

"If it helps, we're pretty smart, have been taught various subjects of science for over twelve years. It was mandatory where we came from."

"Hmmm... This might work." He straightened up, preparing to leave. "Do you have a map?"

I quickly pulled out my slightly crumpled map.

"Meet me here, tomorrow evening after sunset. The door will be marked with a symbol, like this;" He traced his finger in the air, leaving a light trail, showing us the symbol. "Since you do not have any coin, I am leaving this to you; you'll return the sum later." Seeing us about to protest, he quickly added. "You will need food, water, armor and weapons if you wish to survive on this journey." He glanced at our feet, covered in old sneakers. "And maybe some boots." I would have laughed if we weren't preoccupied. "Take a room for the night. There are many merchants around the village; you can do your shopping tomorrow. I shall see you then." He bowed his head to us, we returned the gesture, and walked away, leaving his heavy money bag on the table.

"What the hell just happened?" Hannah gripped her hair.

"I guess we're going on an adventure!" I grinned, lifting up the money bag. "Come on, let's talk to the innkeeper."

The cost for the room was surprisingly low, though we didn't really know the usual costs for inns so I suppose it might have been expensive. The room was small, yet comfortable, with two wooden twin beds for both of us. As soon as the sun set we passed out in the fluffy cocoons. When morning came, Hannah woke me up and we went out shopping. Since we bought the necessities like food and clothes first, a nice bow with a full quiver and two short swords being a close second, we didn't have much money left for fancy armor. In the end we picked the cheapest and sturdiest leather armor we could find. We also took Gandalf's advice and got some actual boots. After we somehow hauled everything back to the inn, cleaned up and fed our ponies using the last of our money, we saddled up and started riding towards this Shire place.

We rode for the remaining day, stopping a couple of times near streams and rivers to let the ponies rest. By the time we reached the place Gandalf had marked on the map, it was dark.

"What creatures do you think live here? Dwarves? These... holes seem too small for humans to live in." Hannah wondered out loud, while tying Rumble to a specified place by the gates to the Shire. A couple of other ponies were already there, so I just tied Squibbles next to one of them.

"Probably hobbits. Radagast said they were small."

"Are you sure? This Thorin dude was a dwarf; I doubt he'd want another non dwarf in his company. I don't think he'll like us coming along, he seemed very..."

"Rough around the edges?"

"Yeah."

"Well he'll just have to deal with it. C'mon, we should find the place before it gets so dark that we can't see each other."

"Okey dokey!" Making a face, she followed my lead through the gates. We wandered for a little while, reaching a small pond.

"Hey, look, there's someone there!" Hannah whispered loudly, pointing to the other side of the pond, where further on a hill some kind of group was gathering.

"You think that's them?" I raised an eyebrow. I imagined fierce warriors, but from what I could see they didn't look much like I thought they would.

"Probably... Oh, there's Gandalf! They're going to that house-hill-thing!"

"Must be the place we were supposed to go. C'mon, let's go around the stinking pond." Grumbling for wasting so much time, I stomped around the water, the red head following my footsteps with more graceful, lighter steps.

Once we reached the round door to the house, we heard the ruckus inside.

"Good. Now, Hannah, remember, we need to be polite so not to offend anyone, yet laid back enough so we fit in easily. Now, knock on the door." She glared at me.

"You knock on the door!" I rolled my eyes.

"How about you knock and I speak?"

"Fine." She raised her tiny fist and gently struck her knuckles on the wood thrice.

"Are you kidding me, no one would hear that!"

"You do it then!" She stuck her tongue out at me. I raised my fist and knocked as hard as I could.

"There, someone must have heard that."

"Pffft, bullshit, not only did you hurt your hand, idiot, but my knock was clearly more audible!"

"No way! I didn't-"

Our argument was interrupted when the large door swung open, revealing a dwarf. The fellow seemed a bit shy. We momentarily paused, looking down at him, and I quickly lowered my eyebrows from their surprised expression, turning to the dwarf.

"Good Evening, are we late? We were supposed to come with Gandalf. I am Alice and this is my friend Hannah." At the mention of her name, she waved and smiled. The dwarf must have deemed us safe enough to let in and smiled.

"Ori, at your service, misses!" He bowed, making Hannah and I share another surprised glance. "Please, come in! I'll inform the others to make more room at the table!" With another smile, he turned around, walking into what seemed like the kitchen, where a few others were running around, carrying food, leaving the door open behind him. Sharing another look, my buddy and I shrugged, stepping inside, closing the door behind us.

The inside of the hill looked very nice, a lot different than you'd think, considering the house was built into a hill. I kind of expected it to look like Radagast's home, but I guess hobbits were a bit more... sanitary. Another thing we immediately noticed was the crowd of dwarves, carrying around food, drinks and chairs, casting curious glances at us from time to time. Not wanting to seem like complete idiots for standing in one place, I grabbed 's wrist and dragged her towards the only non hairy dwarf- hobbit? - I could see. The poor guy was wrestling a chair out of one of the dwarves hands, saying it was not for sitting on. It's a chair, why would it not be for sitting on?

"Excuse me!" I tapped his shoulder, making him jump and turn around, leaving the dwarf with the chair. "Sorry, do you know where Gandalf is?" I smiled at him. He looked a bit shocked and relieved we weren't dwarves.

"There he is!" Hannah tugged my hand while stepping into the room on the right.

"Sorry again!" I smiled at the hobbit again, walking after her. There stood Gandalf, already conversing with Hannah. "Gandalf, nice to see you!" He smiled his grandpa smile.

"It is good to see you also, Alice. I hope your journey here went well and you bought enough supplies for the future!"

"Yup, we even bought boots!" We laughed, the sound attracting a couple more of the curious glances our way.

"Introduce yourselves to everyone, girls. Now, please excuse me." He smiled again and turned to leave the room, stopping only once to refuse some tea in favor of some red wine from an old dwarf.

"We should probably help out." I whispered to Hannah, looking around at the bustling crew.

"How? What do we do?" Looking at me with wide eyes she asked for guidance. Glancing around one more time, I noticed the first dwarf we met, Ori, polishing and placing plates around the table.

"Hi Ori, is there anything we could do to help?" Seems like I startled the poor dwarf again. I grinned; he was adorable, like a puppy.

"O-oh, of course, you can help bringing the food in, just ask the others by the pantry." He stuttered, motioning with his head towards the opposing doorway.

"Alright, thanks!" Hannah smiled and we walked the short distance to the already half empty pantry. On the way we had to dodge two young dwarves carrying a barrel of wine or ale. Glancing at their faces, Hannah blushed immediately while I grinned. We walked passed, but noticed them staring after us in our peripheral vision.

"C'mon, get a move on!"

"Stop pushing."

"Don't take that cheese, it's moldy!"

Chatter was all around us, once we reached the pantry, we said hello and introduced ourselves to Oin and Gloin, who even though looked a bit intimidating, were very nice and directed us on what to bring where.

Soon enough we were all seated around the big table, most of us stuffing our faces (I neither deny nor admit my part in this). What can I say; the dwarves knew how to party! Even Hannah was enjoying herself! We were sitting right in between Gandalf and Dwalin, another quite nice yet intimidating looking dwarf. This seat offered us perfect view of the entertainment: The big dwarfs - Bombur's, according to Gandalf - amazing food catching skills. Somehow he just swallowed an entire boiled egg without even having much warning before the throw. We clapped and yelled along with the others, it was really fun.

"So what are your names, lassies?" An older dwarf from the corner of the table asked us, smiling gently.

"I am Agne and this is Dominyka." Agne gestured at me with her hand and I waved, mouth over stuffed with ham.

"I am Balin." He smiled again and nodded his head. Apparently this initiated a role call.

"Oin and Gloin, as you already know."

Bombur swallowed his huge bite before nodding to us.

"Bombur"

Ori smiled at us and even though we already knew his name, he still squeaked it in a small adorable voice.

The two younger ones on the other side of the table glanced at each other, smirked and stood up, laying a fist over their chests

"Fili" The more ginger one.

"Kili" The obviously hot one that made Hannah blush with everything he did, also the only one without an actual beard.

"At your service" They bowed at the same time, rousing laughter all around.

"Now now boys, don't make the misses all flustered!" This just caused us to blush more."I am Nori, pleased to meet you." Nodding and smiling at him, we turned our gazes towards the next one in line.

"Dori" Smiled and nodded the one who offered Gandalf tea.

"I am Bofur, and this is Bifur" The one with the weird pigtails at the end of the table smiled and motioned his head towards the one with the... axe stuck out of his head? Figuring staring at it would make the dwarf uncomfortable; I smiled and nodded at them, hoping that Hannah would get it too. Fortunately, either she did, or she just didn't notice the axe.

"And the hobbit whose lovely house we are in is..?" Hannah raised an eyebrow.

"That would be Mister Bilbo Baggins, a bit of a worrier, but we'll set him straight!" Kili laughed, his deep voice vibrating through our ears like a sweep melody. I thought Hannah's head was going to explode from how red she went.

During this time, Fili somehow got out from behind his brother and was now climbing up on the table, hands full off tankards, somehow dodging all the food still being thrown around.

"Who wants some ale?" He asked over the chattering, yells and laughter. I immediately grinned and raised my hand. "There you go!" He smiled at me. Hannah, being the usual sober one, refused the drink, but took an offered tiny glass of wine from Dori.

The party was pretty insane. I almost split my spleen and showed half my food on Hannah's lap when I saw Dwalin pouring ale down Oin's hearing trumpet, who later on just blew bubbles out of it. Hannah, in stitches from laughter herself, almost pushed me off of my seat in revenge, but on the last second I was caught my Dwalin's hand, still shaking from laughter. Still laughing, we all took our tankards (well, MOST of us), smashed them at each others in the middle of the table, and quickly started chugging them down. Since all the loud ones were preoccupied with drinking, an odd silence was cast over the company, interrupted only by the sound of gulps and trickling ale.

A loud belch pierced the silence, making everyone laugh, impressed by Nori's skill. The second to surpass Nori was Ori, with a long and loud burp that made me almost fall out of my seat.

After a small burping contest, in which I am proud to say I held my own against the men, the party got into full swing. Since I was a light weight, it was completely understandable that my head was swimming halfway into my second tankard. Good thing that Hannah was here, she was sensible enough not to get drunk before trying to negotiate our way home.

I must say, during this party I really felt like I had fit in with the dwarves. While Hannah spent time being nice and not completely drunk with Gandalf and the other more calm dwarves, I ran stumbling around each of the groups of dwarves that had separated from the table after the food was gone, just to get to know each one. I was sitting by the window with some others, when I saw Bilbo run after Nori and pull something out of his hands.

"Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth!" He said in an angry yet polite tone, trying to untangle the doily, not even seeing Nori walk away without a care in the world. Bofur, who was standing next to him, remarked:

"But it's full of holes."

"It's supposed to look like that; it's crochet." Bilbo answered proudly, like we were actually supposed to know or care what that was. Apparently, Bofur didn't know either, and just substituted it with cricket.

"Oh, and what a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it." He smirked, sending me and a couple of others into another laughing fit. I haven't laughed this much in ages. In the corner of my eye I saw Hannah also laughing, discussing something with Balin, helping herself to another itty bitty glass of wine.

Hearing Gandalf's voice, I saw him trying to calm down Bilbo, telling him to "get used to them". I assumed he meant the dwarves, Hannah and I. My drunk brain feeling slightly insulted by the thought of him not liking our merry company, I wobbly stood up and went after him, tankard still in hand. By the time I got near them, Ori was there, talking in his sweet little voice. God, that guy was like an adorable little kid.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" He said, glancing from the plate in his hands to Bilbo's still irritated expression.

"Here you go Ori, give it to me." Fili came out of nowhere, grabbed Ori's plate and tossed it over to Kili, barely missing Gandalf, who jumped out of the way, stumbling. Forgetting my earlier objective completely, I ran to get Hannah, keeping one eye on the plates everyone started tossing around. The first plate, Ori's, quickly left Kili's hands once it landed, and flew through the doorway into Bifur's awaiting hands near the sink.

Once I got Hannah ("C'mon, hurry up!" "What, what?!"), we stood back and watched the amazing plate throwing show. Bilbo immediately started protesting, yelling something about the plates being over a hundred years old. I then noticed Bofur, Nori, Dori and some others hitting the table with their forks and knives, smashing them at each others, creating an odd melody with their stomping feet. Bilbo kept yelling about blunting the knives, which Bofur caught.

"Ooooh, hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!" All that was needed to make that sentence completely suspicious was a wink.

Suddenly, Kili started to sing, much to our amusement.

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks!" Fili joined in.

"Smash the bottles and burn the corks!" Soon almost all the dwarves slowly joined in, still drumming the odd beat with the utensils and feet.

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates!

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

I don't know how they orchestred this on such short notice but this was amazing. By this time someone started to clang pots and pans, and I swear I even heard a violin.

"Cut the cloth and trail the fat!

Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!

Pour the milk on the pantry floor!

Splash the wine on every door!"

By this time plates were flying everywhere, I have no idea how none of them cracked! Seeing Ori already with a high stack of clean dishes, I tugged Hannah to hide in one of the doorways so we didn't get to try and catch a plate, because I was pretty sure we both lacked the necessary dexterity.

"Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl!

Pound them up with a thumping pole!

And when you're finished, if they are whole,

Send them down the hall to roll!"

Every dwarf was throwing around plates (except for Bombur, he helped clear the remaining food by stuffing it in his mouth), while the humans and wizard watched, amazed and amused. Bilbo, on the other hand, was still going crazy. Bofur even got a flute out and accompanied the stomping feet melody with it.

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" That last shout, followed by laughter, Hannah and I participated in. The funniest was the look on Bilbo's face, when he barged into the room, expecting to see piles of broken dishes, instead seeing them clean and without a scratch, and neatly stacked one on top of other on the table. Everyone laughed and assured Bilbo that everything was fine. Poor hobbit looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

The laughter quickly died down once a heavy knock on the front door sounded through the halls. Thankfully, by that time I had sobered up enough to walk straight, even though my tongue was still a bit loose. It was silent for a couple of seconds, until Gandalf quietly said:

"He's here." Many movie references immediately jumped into my mind and I quickly put a hand over my mouth to stifle the giggles. Hannah noticed this quickly and elbowed me in the side, which not only made me stop giggling, but also made me rub my side, mouthing 'Ouch'.

Everyone quickly gathered in the doorway on the right of the front door, letting Gandalf go first to open the door. Since Hannah and I were pretty much taller than everyone except for Dwalin and Gandalf, we stood in the back and looked over everyone's heads.

Gandalf slowly opened the door. On the other side of it stood the dwarf from the inn. Thorin Oakenshield. Let's hope my loose tongue won't get us killed. Surprisingly, when Thorin stepped forward his face looked calm and almost happy, like he was glad to see all his friends in one place.

"Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice." Not his fault you can't navigate, bro. I'm so happy I didn't say that out loud. "I wouldn't have found it at all if it weren't for that mark on the door." He said while taking off his cloak. That got Bilbo's attention.

"What? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago!" He walked around Gandalf, who closed the door in question.

"Yes, there is a mark, I put it there myself." Gandalf looked very cheeky, like he was proud of his mark on the door. "Bilbo Baggins, Alice, Hannah, allow me to introduce the leader of our company: Thorin Oakenshield." Hearing our names we burst to the front of the group, me holding a steadying hand on Hannah's shoulder at which she grimaced. Thorin looked over us all.

"So." He focused his gaze on Bilbo. "This is the hobbit." He stepped closer to the guy, arms crossed over his chest, an amused gaze fleeting over the small being in front of him. Then, he started walking around him.

"Tell me, Mister Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon me?" Thorin kept circling around Bilbo like a shark.

"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?" His tone began to take on a sliver of mocking in it. However, Bilbo had guts. He steeled himself and answered.

"Well, I do have some skill at cankers." He smirked, trying to seem nonchalant, but his shuffling feet gave him away. "If you must know." Thorin stopped in front of him again, in the same stance as before. "I fail to see why that's relevant." And here's the nervous Bilbo we all know!

"Thought as much." Not snobbish at all, dude. A small huff from Hannah confirmed she was thinking the same thing. "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." Small round of laughter, in which we finally did not participate. Then, Thorin turned to us. Uh-oh. I immediately felt myself pale a bit.

"And you two?"

"I can shoot a bow and know the basics of sword fighting." I tried to look calm on the outside.

"And miss Hannah is my apprentice." Interrupted Gandalf, making quite a few eyebrows raise, mine and Hannah's included. "I shall need their assistance with several spells while on the journey."

"We can cook!" Hannah finally said something.

"And take care of most wounds too." It's a good thing I think over zombie apocalypse survival techniques and necessities when I'm bored.

"Hmm."

As if that was the final word, everyone started walking towards the room with the table. While walking, I noticed Hannah sharing a glance with Gandalf, a silent agreement to discuss this later.

Surprisingly, there was still some food left for Thorin. I could practically hear Bilbo's heart breaking over the last of his food.

"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?" Balin, bless your grandfatherly heart.

"Aye. Envoys from all seven kingdoms." That and Thorin's proud tone caused a round of Aah!'s and joyful murmurs.

"What do the dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?" Dwalin's sudden question interrupted the short laughs and caused an awaiting silence to settle.

Thorin sighed.

"They will not come." That sentence was followed with disappointed sighs and whispers, with an underlying understanding."They say this quest is ours and ours alone." The disappointment continues.

"You-you're going on a quest?" Are you fucking kidding me? Bilbo JUST learns of this. Fuck it. The alcohol in my system giving me a bravery boost, I groaned, face palmed, and rest my head on the table. Hannah followed my example and face palmed herself, shaking her head.

"Seriously, Bilbo? What, did you think we all gathered here to go berry picking or something?!"

Even though Thorin gave me a sort of surprised, amused, yet slightly disapproving eye, he looked like he was about to agree with me. He probably also thought 'fuck it', gulped down some ale, glanced at Gandalf to save the situation, and resumed eating.

"Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light." That's your way of saving the situation, Gandalf? Really? Hannah sighed, most likely thinking the same. Bilbo 'hummed and went to fetch a candle.

"He is hopeless." She whispered to me.

"Shhh." I shut her up, no need for anyone else to hear us.

Gandalf took something out of his pocket and stood up, making us and Dwalin move a bit so we could see what was shown.

"Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak." He folded out a small old map, which showed The Lonely Mountain and roads around it, a dragon flying around the peak of it. This interested Thorin and the other dwarves greatly, even though they obviously knew everything about it. Bilbo looked over Thorin's and Gandalf's shoulders, candle dangerously close to the dwarf leaders raven locks.

"The Lonely Mountain?"

Gloin nodded, dismissing the hobbits lack of knowledge.

"Aye. Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time." Half the dwarves seemed to agree with Gloin, nodding, while some others looked skeptical. Gandalf probably decided to show off his magic, because even though there were many candles around, he still lit his pipe with his fingers. Surprisingly, the blend smelt sweet, not like tobacco at all, and Hannah gazed at his fingers and the pipe with wide eyes, no doubt thinking about being his apprentice, and how it was so awesome.

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold:" Oin seemed a bit insistent, no doubt the company has argued about this before." When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end."

Bilbo, obviously hearing the word "beast", turned to the table and asked.

"Uh, What beast?" Bofur, finding the perfect opportunity to have some fun with the hobbit, answered.

"Well that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of our age." Small pause to build suspense, Bofur is very good at story telling, Hannah seemed totally into it. "Airborne fire-breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks, extremely fond of precious metals-"

"Yes, I know what a dragon is." In a quick sentence, wringing his fingers and nodding interrupted the small hobbit. Suddenly, Ori slid his chair back and stood up, full of spirit.

"I'm not afraid! I'm up for it. I'll give him a taste of the Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!" That earned a few shouts, some agreeing, some not, including Dori telling him to sit down. I kept an eye on Hannah, really hoping she was prepared mentally for what's to come, I really didn't want to think about a scenario of her crying in the middle of a battle field while I jump around to protect us both, or the other way around, actually.

The news of the lacking army seemed to have hit the dwarves hard.

"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us. But we number just thirteen, and not thirteen of the best, nor the brightest." Balin just earned a minus for that. Among the shouts of 'who're you calling dim?' and other disagreeable sounds, Hannah and I huffed. It's like they completely forgot about us! Fili took it upon himself to raise our spirits.

"We may be few in number, but we're fighters, all of us, to the last dwarf!" Thanks, Fili. Nice to know we mean so much to you.

"And you forget we have a wizard and his apprentice in our company. Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time!" Hannah, I'm happy for you that your crush realized you are alive, but stop looking so smug before I punch you. Seriously people, what am I, chopped liver?! And besides, Hannah has never even seen a dragon, let alone killed one! And from Gandalf's stuttering, I'm guessing he hasn't either.

"Oh, now, uh, I-I-I wouldn't say that, I-"

"How many then?" Oh, Dori, you totally caught on to that, didn't you? Kili, what have you done? Pretty much every dwarf in the room looked at Gandalf with expectations.

"Uh, what?" Smooth.

"Well, how many dragons have you killed?" At this the wizard coughs on his pipe smoke, probably only so he didn't have to answer.

"Go on, give us a number!" Dori stood up, irritated by the silence, which caused a domino effect of dwarves standing up and arguing about how many obviously non-existent dragons Gandalf has killed. We two buddies just sat closer together and tried to dodge as many elbows as we could, flying from our seat mates beside us. Bilbo quietly tried to separate them all, but it took Thorin jumping up from his seat and practically roaring like he was fricking Aslan for everyone to quiet down.

"If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the Mountain, assessing, wondering, and weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected." Wait, vast wealth? Why was I not informed of this? Noticing my sudden jerk of the head, Hannah nudged me and shook her head. Aww, no treasure for me. "Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" He then shouted something twice in a language I can only assume to be dwarfish. Didn't really matter, because we could hardly hear them over the sound of shouts and battle ready yells coming from the other dwarves. Thorin is a royal, right? He obviously inherited the public speaking gene. Nevertheless, Hannah and I were happy to see the guys so fired up, we were smiling at them and even clapped.

"You forget: the front gate is sealed. There is no way into the Mountain." Our smiles immediately dropped and the cheering stopped. Jesus, Balin, do you need to be such a buzz kill?

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." You sneaky wizard, what have you been hiding? I straightened up in my seat and made sure Hannah was paying attention. Gandalf suddenly pulled out a key out of thin air (or his pocket, I couldn't see very well in the candle light). It was big and intricate, and by the look on Thorin's face, important.

"How came you by this?" So important, he even forgot grammar.

"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now." He handed the key to Thorin, the glinting of the metal in the candle light and small 'cink' sound when it touched Thorin's rings somehow making the exchange very dramatic.

Everyone's gaze, even Bilbo's, was fixated on the key.

"If there is a key... there must be a door." You are a genius, Fili, I never would have thought of that. Hannah rolled her eyes, shoulders moving slightly in a silent chuckle.

Gandalf pointed to the runes on his small map with his pipe, not worrying about the possibility of staining the parchment.

"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls."

"There's another way in!"An excited shout from another genius. Since Kili is Fili's brother, genius must run in the family. Somehow this time Hannah didn't join me in the groaning, she just rolled her eyes a bit. Interesting...

"Well, if we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed." He sighed, looking down at the map. "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage." Cue glance in Bilbo's direction. He doesn't think? I looked at Hannah and it seemed she had come to the same conclusion. "But, if we are careful and clever, I believe it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar!" Oh, Ori, you cutie, you have no idea you just pushed Bilbo under the bus, do you? And to make it worse, Bilbo doesn't realize they're talking about him. Cue another face palm. I need to clean my glasses; I always forget I have them on.

"Hm, a good one, too. An expert, I'd imagine." Hannah snickered. You just keep digging your own grave, don't you, Bilbo? Finally, Gloin revealed him the truth.

"And are you?"

"Am I what?" Seems it's finally dawning on him, since he saw no one behind himself, that everyone was looking at him.

"He said he's an expert!" Oin must've completely opened his eyes now. A couple of dwarves snickered and chuckled.

"M-me? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not a burglar; I've never stolen a thing in my life!" So defensive, he seemed really nervous.

"I have." Oops. Blame it on the ale. Hannah turned to me, eyebrows raised and mouth agape, but not really that shocked.

"What? You stole something?!"

"...Noooooo..." Avoid eye contact, avoid eye contact!

Thorin raised a brow at our conversation, but most likely figured it was of no concern to him, and dismissed it.

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Mister Baggins. He's hardly burglar material." Seems like Balin is resuming his position as Officer Buzz Kill. I guess it's good there is someone to keep everyone's ideas in the realistic side of the field, though. Also, Bilbo seems to agree with him, if his nod is anything to go by.

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves, like hobbits and women." Bilbo, being the stupid one at the moment, nodded again, but Hannah and I were greatly offended. Hannah less so, I guess, since she really didn't know how to fight, so she just said 'hey!' and glared, while I jumped up and started shouting 'I'll show you gentlefolk!' over all the other bickering shouts. At this point, Gandalf intervened. His shout made even more of an impact since he amplified it and the shadows surrounding him with his magic, creating a foreboding atmosphere.

"Enough! If I say that Bilbo Baggins is a burglar and the girls can help you in your quest then that is what they are and what they will do!"

Almost as suddenly as he appeared, Scary Gandalf returned to normal and said in a calm, gentle voice, as if nothing had happened.

"Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself. As for the ladies, they are far brighter than you might think, and will help you all greatly. You must trust me on this." The speech was long and had many pauses, but also seemed to convince Thorin. Despite Bilbo's protests, he said:

"Very well. We will do it your way. Give them each a contract." Bofur cheered and Balin pulled out a stack of parchment from his satchel.

"It's just the usual summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth." I took two out of his hands and gave one to Hannah, and we immediately started reading it, though it was hard to not get distracted by the pretty penmanship. I kept one ear open though, just to make sure we weren't left out of an important conversation.

"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo didn't seem to quite grasp what he was in for. Again. He stepped out of the room to read the contract under better lighting. While he was moaning, I heard Thorin whispering to the wizard.

"I cannot guarantee their safety."

"Understood."

"Nor will I be responsible for their fate."

"Agreed." I hope Hannah hadn't heard that, don't want her to chicken out. Honestly, I was beginning to get a bit worried as well, a sort of sick feeling in my stomach. Or, that could be the oncoming hangover, who knows?

Bilbo starts reading a part of the contract out loud, but since Hannah and I were almost at the bottom of it, we didn't really care.

"Incineration?" Oooh, that sounds interesting. Both of us lifted our heads.

"Oh, aye, he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." Way to reassure the squeamish ones there, Bofur. I totally owe you one.

Bilbo and Hannah both paled, swaying in their places a bit, Bilbo going 'huh'.

"You guys alright?" I asked, concerned for them a bit. Turning to Hannah I whispered into her ear: "Calm down, chances are we'll be home before we even see the dragon. That place will take some time to reach." That seemed to calm her down a bit. Bilbo, on the other hand, bends over, resting his hands on his knees and started breathing like he was doing yoga.

"Uh... yeah, feel a bit faint." Bofur, being such a nice guy, decided to clarify while standing up, coming closer to Bilbo.

"Think furnace with wings."

"Air, I-I-I need air." Poor guy was getting worse by the second. Quick glance to my right relieved me; Hannah was still pale, but nowhere as bad as Bilbo.

"Flash of light, searing pain, then Poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash!" Bofur grinned, smug bastard was enjoying this. We all stared at Bilbo, for a couple of seconds it seemed he was going to be all right, but then he straightened up, breathed in, composed himself, looked at us, said "Nope!" and promptly fell on the floor, Gandalf raising up to check on him.

Turning back to my friend, I put a hand on her shoulder, silently asking her if she still wanted to do this. Receiving a nod, I turned to Balin.

"Can we have something to write with, please?"


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

After we scribbled our names onto the parchment, the company of dwarves seemed a lot more open to us than before. Earning a couple of claps over our shoulders, we stood up, and with a little bit of help from the gentlemen carried Bilbo onto a comfy looking chair in the other room. After a bit of water splashed onto his face, Bilbo woke up, assuring us that all was alright with him. Hannah and I, realizing that sticking around was not wise, nodded to Gandalf and quickly left the premises, joining some of the other dwarves in the next room by the crackling fireplace. Sitting closest to the fire, Hannah turned to me with a serious look on her face.

"Are you sure about this, though? It seems like this will be very dangerous."

"What adventure isn't? I suppose there will be quite some time before we reach the destination of our journey, the dwarves will teach us how to fight better, and they'll protect us on the way."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who heard Thorin say he was not responsible for our fate." She looked at me, face full of sarcasm. Damn it, I had hoped she hadn't heard that.

"He might say that, but I have a hard time believing that the others wouldn't help us if we were in trouble."

"Hmmm. I don't know, I just don't think we'll be very safe."

"Obviously." Receiving a glare, I quickly continued: "But hey, Sorcerers' apprentice, ask Gandalf to teach you magic to protect yourself! Something powerful in a battle, like elemental magic!"

"Yeah, that'd be cool..." Grinning, she finally let go of her worries, well, at least for a bit.

"Good. Are you done worrying?"

"I think I'm fine for now, but I'll call you if the need to whine rises." Rolling her eyes at my tone, Hannah dismissed me.

Nodding to her, I left her to think. The trip will be no easy task; it will no doubt be taxing on us in all ways: physical, mental and emotional. We had to figure out a way to survive, and contribute to the group at the same time. As we were women, the men will no doubt ask us to oversee duties such as cooking, sewing, mending and binding wounds. For that we will need to know many things, most importantly, the herbs and their uses in Middle Earth. Hoping to find a small book in Bilbo's library on the subject, I slunk past a whispering couple of Balin and Thorin (who both watched me walk passed in the corner of their eyes) and started searching for a book on herbs in the many bookcases around Bilbo's home.

"Ah, here we go..." I muttered, finding the perfect book. Taking it with me, I walked back to the room with the fire place. Plunking down on the ground next to Hannah, I began reading.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to read for long. It seemed all the dwarves gathered in the room, most smoking their pipes, at which Hannah grimaced. Suddenly, all of the dwarves started humming. My eyebrows rose in surprise, and a quick glance at Hannah confirmed our mutual surprise. The air around us instantly filled with tension, as all the men in the room continued their humming into a song.

_Far over the Misty Mountains cold  
>to dungeons deep and caverns old<br>we must away ere break of day,  
>to find our long-forgotten gold<em>

_The pines were roaring on the height  
>The winds were moaning in the night<br>The fire was red, it flaming spread  
>The trees like torches blazed with light<em>

Their singing was beautiful, and it obviously reflected their feelings towards this mission of ours. They longed for their home, much like Hannah and I were beginning to miss ours. If this quest wasn't our best shot at getting home, I was sure we would have gone with the dwarves anyway, to help them get their home back.

After the song, things seemed to have calmed down considerably. Hannah yawned next to me, and I decided I should put down my new book for the night. Turning to Balin I quietly asked:

"When do we wake to leave tomorrow?" He smiled at me, obviously noticing how tired my friend and I were.

"It's alright, lassies, we'll wake you when the time comes. You should get some sleep in a bed while you can, we will not be stopping at inns during the journey." Nodding and smiling at his grandfatherly face, I slowly stood up, tugging Hannah's arm gently, receiving only a small groan of protest.

"C'mon, let's get an actual bed to sleep in..." Yawning, I tugged more harshly, and eventually she followed me out of the room, only leaving a trail of soft goodnights and nods in our stead.

We found two small vacant beds in a room that was most likely intended for guests. Without further thought, we removed our outer clothing and collapsed on the beds, passing out for the night.

* * *

><p>A deep rumble coaxed me from my sleep.<p>

Once I opened my eyes, the room was dark, so it must have only been a couple of hours since we fell asleep. Hannah still lay peacefully in the other small bed, seemingly not disturbed since I last laid eyes on her.

Then, the house rumbled again.

Rising up in my bed, all sleep forgotten, I quickly and silently dressed and left the room, Hannah still sleeping soundly. Carefully closing the door behind me I glanced around the dim halls. During the night, half the candles went out, making large dark shadows cast throughout the hallway, giving it a foreboding appearance.

My head snapped to the left hall. There was that rumble again! Determined to find the reason for the sound, I started tiptoe-ing closer to the origin of it.

There it was again! Wait, but now it's behind me..?

Turning around, I saw only a door to one of the rooms. Another rumble confirmed my suspicions: the thing making the noise is behind that door! Carefully, I twisted the handle and peeked through the crack, trying to make the least amount of sound possible.

Inside the room were dwarves. They were all sleeping in beds, and snoring loudly enough to make me think we were having an earthquake. Mouthing 'oooh' and giggling under my breath I closed the door, knowing well that I did not wish to disturb the group.

Curiosity sated, I started to walk around the house, as quiet as possible for me. I checked all the rooms, finding the dwarves all stuffed inside two relatively big rooms with beds. Since I was positive I will not be able to sleep until sunrise, I decided to start cleaning up.

The few more candles I found gave the halls and rooms a little more light, so I was able to see the mess left after the party. Surprisingly, the house wasn't that messy at all. All the food has been cleared out and the dishes washed, so all I had to do was straighten some stuff out and wash and sweep the floors. Well, the toilets would need cleaning too, but sorry, Bilbo, you're gonna have to take care of that yourself.

The hours passed quickly. The house was huge, so even if there wasn't much cleaning to do, it still took up a lot of time. Oddly, I did not notice the time slip by while humming and dancing quietly with a broom until the first light of dawn seeped through the windows. Around the same time grumbles and soft thuds of feet started to sound from the rooms the dwarves were in.

I put the broom away and started looking for breakfast. While I danced into the pantry, Fili swung open the door to the room, shushing the others behind him, muttering something about others still sleeping. I decided to surprise them and stuck my head out the pantry doorway.

"G'Mornin'!" I stage whispered, making Fili and Thorin, the first ones out the door lance at me with surprise on their face.

"Good morning, Lady Alice, I hope you slept well?" Weird, Thorin in the morning seemed a lot more... nice? Awake? Not so stuck up? Maybe the stick up his ass grows later in the day, though his voice still held that tired exasperation. Fili smiled and also muttered a hello.

"Oh, I only slept a couple of hours, woke up in the middle of the night and started cleaning, I figured it wasn't nice to leave Bilbo's home in such a messy state!" I grinned. Alright, a couple of things are becoming apparent about me now: 1. I am always sleepy when the sun is in the sky. 2. When I don't sleep enough, I become hyperactive and cheery and loopy and then crash horribly in about an hour. Let's hope we get on the ponies by then.

Thorin nodded, I guess that's his expression of slight gratitude, and ordered to wake up the others, Bombur first, so we could all get some breakfast, but to not wake Bilbo, as he will not be joining us. I saluted him, nodded to Fili and raced to Hannah's room, knowing she'll appreciate the time to get ready even though she'll hate me for waking her up (again). I threw open the door to "our" room and jumped inside, half expecting her to already be awake. Only a mop of red hair sticking out of the covers of the second bed destroyed those expectations. Skipping across the room, I leaned over her head, my long hair hanging next to hers.

"Hannah... Hannah..." I sang. Receiving no response, I sighed, grabbed her blanket and tugged it away from her face.

"Hannah, wake up." I said more sternly, feeling the need to crash slowly creeping up on me. She needed to hurry up! Her eyebrow twitched, but she remained still otherwise. I stopped breathing for a second, listening to her breath. It was different than before, so she was already awake.

"Get up! Or we're leaving without you!" I threw the covers back on her face and stepped away, grabbing my last scattered things.

"What..?Already? What time is it?" Her croaky morning voice and squinty eyes met mine as she tried to clamber out of the sheets.

"Just after dawn. Thorin told me to wake everyone up, so get dressed and ready quickly and come down for breakfast." I said dully, all cheer gone from my voice. I only wanted to sleep, and soon. Seeing her nod from the corner of my eye, I strode out of the room, closing the door behind me and set out to find the dwarves to wake up.

20 minutes later a slightly sleepy and groggy company was gathered around the same table, waiting for breakfast that was being put into plates by Bombur and Ori. Waking the dwarves was less of a challenge than I thought it would be, since they were all eager to leave for the quest. That did not mean some of them were not almost falling asleep at the table along with me. Hannah seemed alright, if not a bit dull as well, but the warm cup of tea in her hands seemed to be helping. I, on the other hand, was practically asleep; my head lay on my crossed arms on top of the table, eyes unfocused, and glasses askew. Hannah glanced in my direction.

"What's wrong with you?" Some dwarves glanced our way.

"I didn't sleep much. Woke up a couple of hours ago and cleaned the place up." That earned me a couple of 'well done's and 'thank you's, though I barely remember what was said by who. The soft murmur of morning conversations threatened to lull me to sleep.

"Your scrambled eggs are here." Hannah's dead pan voice directed to me temporarily snapped me out of my sleepiness.

"Oh thank you so much Bombur..." I let out a breath, immediately grabbing a fork and shoveling food into my mouth.

Breakfast passed relatively quickly also. I ate the food, I drank the tea, I washed and put away my dishes almost on auto-pilot, I don't even remember much of it. Soon, it was time to leave the house, and Bilbo.

I gathered all my things and Bilbo's book'o'nature, as I started calling it my head, and followed Hannah to the front door. While we gathered all our cloaks, the men struck up a conversation.

"D'you think Mister Baggins wants to come with us after all? Maybe we should wake him, to say goodbye at least?" Kili said to Hannah, though it was clear the question was for all of us, while pulling on his coat.

"Do not wake the hobbit. He made his decision clear last night. I doubt he would be of much help anyway." Thorin grumbled, heaving his pack onto his shoulders. The packs were heavy, since we all gathered some left over food and skins full of water each, not to mention the bed rolls and the weapons strapped to us. Man, were Hannah and I gonna be sore in the morning.

"He'll probably wake up and think this was all a dream. I almost did the same thing." Hannah quietly said, chuckling and shaking her head. Kili smiled at her goofily, while I choked down the imaginary vomit over their sweet display.

"I bet he'd go after us if he was given the choice." I grumble, throwing on the last of the things on my back.

My words caused a massive dwarven bet. Note to self: don't say 'I bet' as a joke around the company.

Immediately, the group divided into the ones that bet with me and the ones that did not believe Bilbo had the balls to come after us. Apparently, the trigger for his decision would be the contract, which Balin conveniently set somewhere in sight for him.

After the commotion, we grabbed the last of our things and stepped into the light morning sun. The slight chill in the air woke me up a little bit, but not enough to raise my mood. Hannah, who was making googly eyes and whispering something to Kili was completely unaffected by anything around her, though.

I clambered sleepily after Dwalin, eyes half closed. Rumble snorted a horsey hello to me, so I fed him an apple to be polite. Soon, we were all on our ponies and heading out of the Shire, while I was trying to get into a position where I could sleep and not fall off of the pony. I put my forehead on Rumble, glancing one last time at Hannah, who just rolled her eyes at me and continued to make small talk with the younger dwarves instead of waking me up, and fell asleep, the last thought echoing in my head... I'm going on an adventure!


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

I was rudely awoken by Bilbo's shrill voice shouting for our merry sleepy caravan to stop. The good thing about that though, was that I won the bet, which means money for me! Unfortunately, that meant I had to get up and collect my winnings from my fellow travelers. Raising up from my position on the pony (and feeling painful sensations in my legs from my poor position) I wearily blinked my sleepiness away and backhandedly moved my hair out of my face. Hearing a giggle that no doubt came from my only female buddy of the two legged variety in the company, I turned my head, still looking like a zombie, and blinked at the sickly adorable sight before my eyes.

Kili's pony was walking as close as possible to Hannah's, so close that it actually looked quite uncomfortable for them. As if that wasn't enough, the rider was also leaning over to my friend, who was blushing and giggling. I've never seen anything like it. Disgusting.

Since everyone in front of me stopped, I had no other choice but to stop as well. If Bilbo caught up with us, I haven't even been asleep for an hour. I feel like I should just fall down and die. Seems like I won't be starting this adventure on a cheery note.

I vaguely heard Thorin command a pony to be given for Bilbo, while trying to keep my eyes open. Hannah I heard a lot more clearly, as she rode her pony next to me.

"Still asleep?"

"..Uhuh..."

"Need some help?"

"Just kill me, please..."

"Okey dokey!"

Next thing I know, my cheek hurt. Mother ducking wench slapped me!

"Thanks... But this sooo calls for revenge later on, you know that, right?"

"Great..." She winced, riding away from me, cradling her palm, which probably stung like a bitch, just like my face.

The convoy started to move again, so I waited long enough to barely catch a sack of coins flying my way before I fell on my face to sleep again. Just before blackness overtook me I felt Fili take my reigns from my limp hands and murmured a thank you in his direction.

Riding, riding and more riding was what I had to live with ever since I woke up when we stopped at noon near a spring for twenty minutes, enough to eat and drink and do your business and move on. We rode all day, trying to cover as much land as possible without tiring out the ponies. Don't get me wrong, the view of this land we were magically cast off to was beautiful, but my but has honestly never been so sore in my life. When we finally stopped it had been just before nightfall, so we quickly set up camp on a cliff and lit a fire (even though I disagreed with it, as it cast a light and made our location pretty obvious for anything or anyone that looked in this direction from miles away).

This was how I found myself playing with sticks in the dirt, trying to stave off boredom and occasionally chatting with Fili as all of the youngest ones have been assigned with watch duty. Gandalf chose to sit up with us, probably because it was hard to fall asleep over the snoring of our companions anyway. My dear buddy assumed her position of flirting with the beardless (or at least kind of) dwarf next to the fire. It was a surprisingly cold night, and the moon lit up my drawings of stars and smiles in the dirt nicely. Adding a last smile to my masterpiece I sat up. Throwing my drawing utensils to the side, and walked closer to the fire to warm my numb hands. I figured I had sat enough during the day, so I chose to stand in front of Hannah on the other side of the fire.

Just after I saw our hobbit tip toe next to his pony, the screeching started. My hand immediately fell onto my dagger, ever present on my waist, guard up, back straight, eyes taking in everything around me. Thorin, just like me, jumped up from his place on the ground, alert.

"What was that?" Bilbo was just as alarmed as we were. Hannah was tense, holding onto Kili's arm, looking ready to bolt on the first sign of trouble.

"Orcs." One of the brothers answered between the far away screams. Bilbo echoed the word, slightly alarmed, yet also confused.

"Are those the fugly goblin things?" I wondered quietly, a bit more calm since I didn't see anyone being too alarmed by the sounds we were hearing, but not ready to relax either.

"Y-yeah, I think so..." Timidly answered Hannah. She was visibly nervous and getting closer to Kili. I frowned, concerned. Seeing how we were unsure, the other brother decided to "explain".

"Throat-cutters. There'll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them." He seemed perfectly fine with the idea, like it was nothing to worry about. Yeah, "throat-cutters" sounds like nothing to worry about at all! Kili also added to that.

"They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet; no screams, just lots of blood." He emphases his words with a shake of his head and an intense look into Hannah's eyes. Now she was really obviously scared, at least to me.

And then they started laughing. Laughing right now seemed the last thing to do. Did they think this was funny?! Or did they only care about how hilarious the scared look in Bilbo and Hannah's eyes was?!

"You think that's funny?!" The fury filled sentence flew out of my mouth at the same time as Thorin's, making our voices entwine, causing us to glance at each other momentarily, before Thorin continued. I may be wrong, but I think I saw a respectful glint in those yes! Nah, I was probably wrong.

"You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?" It certainly was not. Immediately my overactive imagination started throwing different scenarios of such a raid at me. I shook my head to clear the thoughts of the blood and those same scared eyes. Hannah scooted away from Kili, but kept close to the wall and fire. Good, she's not letting her guard down too much.

The brothers thankfully had enough sense to look a bit embarrassed.

"We didn't mean anything by it."

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." Thorin grumbled angrily, walking away from the fire. I walked around the flames, careful to not singe my clothes, threw a glare Kili and Fili's way (hopefully they'll feel even worse), and stood next to Hannah, back to the wall, observing my surroundings, hastily pushing my glasses up, to be sure I wasn't going to miss anything.

Hannah scooted closer to me and rested her head against my leg, seeking comfort. In my angry state, that was annoying, but I couldn't deprive her of that, so I calmly rested my palm on her shoulder.

Our brief overview of the noises of the night apparently had a bigger audience than I thought, because not even a minute after, Balin came forward, closer to the fire.

"Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate orcs. After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first."

His speech was full of memory, of sorrow, like remembering those days was painful, but necessary.

"Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs lead by the most vile of all their race: Azog, the Defiler." EW, nasty name, I did not wanna know what he did to get it. "The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King." That looked like it was painful to say. Those six words raised tension all around the camp, and I spied some of our sleeping companions already with their eyes open, listening to the tale, remembering, ghosts of the past flashing across their dimmed eyes.

"Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us." It was obvious from the looks of the dwarves faces (which were all no longer in a horizontal position), who had been in this old battle. Most had the same look of past despair and terror, the creeping feeling of defeat reflecting in their faces, others- looks of respect, grief and understanding.

"That is when I saw him." The smile and look at Thorin turned the sorrow into pride, at least partially. "A young dwarf prince facing down the Pale stood alone against this terrible foe, his armor rent…wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield." OH, Oakenshield! THAT's what that was about! I thought that was just a fancy last name!

"Azog, the Defiler, learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken." So... is he dead? Clarify, please! I don't want a big pale ass of orc trying to hunt me down!

"Our forces rallied and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was no feast, no song, that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived." The tension, grief and sorrow in the air hit me like a ton of bricks again. Hannah's arm squeezed my leg - I was not alone in this.

"And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call King." Man, Balin could make Thorin president with this speech! Well, King, but whatever.

I could barely see Thorin behind the other dwarves that got up from the ground during the speech and were standing in silence.

"But the Pale Orc? What happened to him?" Yes! Thank you, Bilbo, for reminding me! Is the bitch dead or not?!

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago." Thorin grumbled moodily. This concerned me. He did not see the body, so the chance of the orc still being out there, trying to hunt him down was still there, even if it was small. My thoughts must have reflected on my face, because I noticed Gandalf looking my way with the same worried and wondering expression. This is really not sitting well with me.

Since everyone was awake, I figured it was alright to let my guard down and sleep for a bit. Gandalf and Dwalin were supposed to wake us up earlier than others for our first lesson tomorrow.

I sat my butt down next to my friend, our shoulders leaning together.

"You ok?" If I didn't show any concern she would have gotten angry like she was my girlfriend or something. Silly girl.

"Yeah, I'm fine, this just suddenly seems a lot more real, you know?"

"Yeah... But to tell you the truth I think its better this way. We're more focused now."

"I guess so..." She looked down, shrugging. Sighing I threw my only blanket over our shoulders.

"Get some sleep; we have a long day tomorrow." She sighed too, accepting the warmth I was offering.

"Goodnight."

"Night."

We slept, the cries of the far away orcs still echoing in our ears.

* * *

><p>A.N.: Short chapter, sorry. You may have noticed that I don't update regulary, but collage has been a bitch. I know this is what everyone says, but I would very much like to ask you to review. Tell me whats wrong, what you like, what you hate, how I could improve my writing and the story, please! Also, reviews give me motivation to update, so please, tell me what you think! :)<p> 


	7. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

Early next morning, we were awoken by our new teachers. Hannah was taken aside by Gandalf to learn secret witchy magic stuff, and I was dragged into a field with Dwalin. Apparently, I first needed to learn how to stand and fall, and how to hold my daggers. Then, we would spare in a mock battle, and I would be taught how to dodge. Standing was pretty easy, holding the daggers the proper way was also not a hard task. The falling left me with quite a few bruises though, since Dwalin seemed way too eager to swing his axes at me.

After an hour of cursing, tumbling and falling on my ass, it was time to learn how to dodge. Unfortunately, Dwalin was the kind of teacher that believed in "learning on the job".

"Holly SHIT!" I leaped back, avoiding the huge twin axes, swinging by my head non-stop. I barely had time to sidestep, leap or plainly flail away from harm. All Dwalin did, was laugh.

"All right, all right, breathe, lass! You're quite good at this!" With those words, I flew to the left from the light hit I got to the side (thankfully, Dwalin was smart enough to use the sides of the blade, or else I'd be screwed).

"Ouuuuchhh...thanks..." Maybe if I stop moving, the torture will stop?

It didn't stop. We kept at it for the next two hours, by which time Fili came by with breakfast for the both of us. The extra exercise was a real torture, but apparently I was a natural, and made amazing improvement in these few hours (maybe because I got increasingly angry and cold blooded, so it was easier to predict the movements of my teacher). With the last clap on my shoulder from both Fili and Dwalin for the good work, and the last slurp of the breakfast stew thing, we walked back to the camp, which was already half packed up and strung on the backs of ponies.

I flopped down on a log next to Hannah.

"You look like shit." I blinked at her.

"So do you." I wasn't lying, she really did. I doubt she did anything physically, but harnessing energy to use as magic probably took a lot out of a person. Her skin was pale and sweaty, her eyes drooping down onto the dark skin under them. She was practically shaking with exhaustion.

"We'll have to sleep on the ponies if we want rest. I'll ask Thorin if we could stop for a bit the next time we pass a stream to wash all of this sweat off." Nodding dumbly, she rose up from the log with me and began gathering her things. Soon enough we left the camp place, our tracks and the still smoking ash in the fire pit the only give away of us being there in the first place.

* * *

><p>And this was how we traveled for the next few weeks. Every morning Hannah and I and our teachers would rise early and train. I was so happy when I noticed I lost a ton of weight, hooray to my new flat stomach! I became so much more physically fit then I ever was before! I was also becoming a master at fighting, so far I became a pro with a dagger and a bow and arrow, also- hand to hand (which earned me quite a few bruises and aching bones). We were now moving on to sword fighting, but as I had no sword that fit my strength and build, we only stuck to the basics of that. Dwalin was very proud of how far I've come. Gandalf, of course, was immensely proud of Hannah, who, after some long and tiring lessons, was becoming great with basic healing and fighting spells. Of course, no one really knew what he was teaching her, as they always preferred to be private during their lessons, much to the annoyance of Kili, who quite fancied Hannah, if I do say so. The two were almost always together, leaving me to socialize with the rest of the company.<p>

The dwarves accepted us like their own easily, unlike Bilbo, who I have taken under my "wing". I guess they figured we would be a lot more useful now. Thorin told me a lot about blacksmithing when he found out my brother wanted to be one, Bofur taught me how to carve designs into wood, the others told old battle stories and Ori drew with me. Bilbo taught me about the Middle Earth, well, as much as he knew himself. I was grateful to all of them; they all became such good friends to me. Hannah got along with everyone well too, but since she spent most of her time with Kili or Gandalf, she didn't share the deep connection I had with everyone. I was glad she was happy; Kili was good to and for her.

Appearance wise, this time also changed us quite a bit. I doubt many people from our world would recognize us now. Since our long hair got knotted and dirty soon, we borrowed some clasps from the dwarves and braided our hair in an almost dwarven fashion. We still wore the clothing we bought in Bree, when those got too dirty, we wore the clothes from home until we got a chance to wash those. Since my glasses got dirty very easily and were annoying when sparring, I stopped wearing them. Surprisingly, my vision seemed clearer and clearer by the day, and by this time I could clearly see everything. I blame that on magic.

Because of our diet and exercise, we were a lot more fit than before, looking a lot more mature, our features sharper, yet our skin seemed a lot healthier, having tanned in the sun. Balin told us once that we were becoming more beautiful each day, but we just blushed and giggled at that, not believing it much. The last time we passed a small village to stock up on supplies, though, I noticed quite a few lingering eyes on us, but I just wrote it off as people just wondering what two girls were doing in a company of dwarves, a hobbit and an old man.

That was about a week ago. Since then we have not seen any more people, but I heard there were supposed to be some farms scattered around this land.

Currently, it was raining. Well, more like pouring cats and dogs. My cloak and hair were soaked through, skin shivering. Up ahead, Hannah was shaking also, her cloak, like mine, was cloth, and did little to nothing to stop the water from chilling us. Oh and here comes Prince Charming to save the day, draping his leather overcoat on Hannah, who, yet again, blushed. God. Looking to my left I saw Bofur, who was beginning to unbutton his own overcoat, having noticed Kili's work also.

"Don't even try it; you need it more than I do. If you really want to give it away, give it to Bilbo, he doesn't have a coat at all." I said grumpily, nudging Squiggles to gallop further along the path, water splashing around us.

"Here, Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?" Dori, bless you for asking that, some dryness would be godsend right now.

"It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard." Smartass. He's so sassy.

"Are there any?" I was wondering that myself, good question, my little Bilbo!

"What?"

"Other wizards?"

"There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman, The White." He sounds racist. And evil. I don't know why, but his name just doesn't sound good. "The there are the two Blue Wizards; you know, I've quite forgotten their names." Seriously? There are five of you wizards! How hard is it to remember? Well. Unless their names are really long and outlandish, then I guess I get you.

"And who is the fifth?"

"Well, that would be Radagast, the Brown."

"We know Radagast! He's the one that first helped us when we came to Middle Earth!" Hannah shouted from her place next to Kili.

"He's really nice and kind." I smiled, looking down at Bilbo, who turned to Gandalf once again.

"Is he a great wizard or is he... more like you?"

"Hahahaha!" I almost fell off my pony while laughing."This is why I like you, Bilbo!" I patted him on the back, almost falling off Squiggles again, still giggling.

Gandalf scowled slightly in my direction.

"I think he is a very great wizard, in his own way. He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others." No kidding. "He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a good thing too, for always Evil will look to find a foothold in this world."

"I doubt he has much to worry about though, what with all the rabbits and birds he has..." I whispered under my breath, remembering the army of bunnies that pulled his sledge.

After the short conversation, the rain soon stopped, and we continued to ride for the rest of the day, until we reached what looked to be the ruins of a farmhouse.

"We'll camp here for the night." With that we started what has by now become a routine. "Fili, Kili, look after the ponies; make sure you stay with them. Girls, gather wood for the fire." Nodding to Thorin and grabbing lovesick Hannah's hand I handed our ponies reigns to Fili and started going around the old houses shambles, collecting dry pieces of wood. It hadn't rained here, which was very good for us.

"Oin, Gloin, get the fire going after they get the wood"

"Aye"

I wondered into the ruins, arms full of sticks already, where Gandalf was, as usual, talking to himself. He suddenly turned around and loudly announced:

"I think it would be wiser to move on." Here comes Thorin. "We could make for the Hidden Valley." Thorin seemed a bit exasperated by this.

"I have told you already, I will not go near that place." What the Hell is in that valley? Oh well, it's not my problem. I gathered all the wood I found and left the two to squabble like a married couple. Soon enough the fire was going and Bombur was fixing us up some stew. Just in time, since the sun was already setting. Hannah sat down next to me, probably to get some warmth from the fire - the nights were pretty cool around these parts. I looked around, counting heads. Fili and Kili were with the ponies, so that leaves...

"Hey, where's Gandalf?" Hannah rolled her eyes.

"He left like an hour ago waving his staff like a prima donna."

"Mommy and Daddy had a fight again?"

"Yup." This was not very surprising. Thorin and Gandalf often argued on which roads to take, but Gandalf has never left before. I have no doubt he will come back though, he wouldn't leave his student behind.

The stew was finally done, and I grabbed a bowl in hunger. We have not eaten anything today since breakfast, and Bombur's stews were some of the best I've ever eaten. I have got to ask him to teach me to cook like this. By the time the others got a bowl each, I was already finished with mine and had cleaned the bowl in the sand. Bilbo got pretty worried about Gandalf not returning, so Bofur gave him two bowls of the stew to carry to "the lads" - Fili and Kili. Seeing an opportunity to do something nice to her crush, Hannah quickly offered to help. Sighing, I stood up; I had to take care of her after all.

I followed them downhill and through the trees, where the brothers stood. They were a bit... frozen?

"What's the matter?" Bilbo noticed it too. Kili was a bit panicked, since he quickly shot off.

"We're supposed to be looking out for the ponies."

"Only we've encountered a slight problem."

"We had eighteen."

"Now there's sixteen."

Ooooh crap, Thorin's gonna kill them.

After quickly running around and counting all the ponies three more times, we jumped into panic mode.

"Daisy and Bungo are missing." Hannah stated, walking up to Kili. Making sure Squiggles was securely tied to a tree; I walked back to the group.

"Well that's... not good. That is not good at all."

"Yup... we need to find them, quickly. Bilbo, put those bowls down somewhere, there's no need to carry them around." Bilbo hastily put the bowls down on a log, nervously smiling my way.

"Shouldn't we tell Thorin?" Fili and I grimaced at Hannah.

"Uhh, no. Let's not worry him." He would have our heads on spikes! Fili looked at Bilbo in a suspicious way. "As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into it."

"Well, uhh.." Bilbo didn't loose his bearings under pressure, a good quality. "Look- something big uprooted these trees."

"That was our thinking."

"Something very big and possibly quite dangerous." He held a nervous note in his voice, and Hannah and I glanced at each other with worry. The guys stood around the uprooted tree, looking for clues.

"Hey!" A quieter voice made me look up from the tree. Fili saw something! "There's a light. Over here!" We all quickly and silently jumped over the fallen trees and followed Fili. "Stay down." Kili grabbed Hannah and forced her down next to him before she was noticed; I made sure Bilbo was down too. We heard odd deep laughter- what kind of creature was this? Hannah and I furrowed our brows in thought.

"What is it?" Bilbo joined us in our confusion.

"Trolls." Kili practically spit out, jumping from his place next to me after his brother. Reckless idiots. I cursed and ran after them, keeping low to the ground. I heard shuffling behind me- Bilbo and Hannah followed us, feet kicking the underbrush. We got closer to the fire and hid behind some trees, just in time too, because a huge, stinky, dirty mountain troll passed right by us at that moment, carrying a pony under each arm. Hannah and I gasped and Kili quickly pulled her closer to himself.

"He's got Myrtle and Minty!" Bilbo exclaimed, both furious (well, as much as Bilbo could ever be) and horrified. He sighed, moving quickly to crouch next to us, saying: "I think they're going to eat them, we have to do something."

The dwarf brothers lifted their heads like they suddenly had a great idea. I hope it's not what I think it is!

"Yes; you should." Kili voiced, Fili nodding next to him, and jumped up. "Mountain trolls are slow and stupid, and you're so small. Alice can look over you from the trees in case of trouble."

"Oh no, do not drag me into this, why can't Hannah do it?" I protested over Bilbo's struggle to say something. Hannah turned to me:

"Because I wouldn't be able to do crap against three mountain trolls, and you could at least distract them."

"But you've been learning spells!"

"Nothing that could help here, though!"

"You suck."

"Stop it; we have bigger problems to deal with! Bilbo, it's perfectly safe, we'll be right behind you." Kili kept at it. I groaned and lifted up slightly from my crouch. I'm gonna have to do this whether I want to or not.

"Hannah, go back to camp, stay out of the fighting, if need be, go find Gandalf. Got it?" I whispered to her, so the others couldn't hear.

"Fine." She didn't look pleased with the arrangement, but she'll get over it.

"If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a brown owl, once like a barn owl." Fili pushed Bilbo in the direction of the trolls while I followed, shaking my head. Bilbo was really stressed.

"Twice like a barn owl, twice like a brown-once like a brown? Are you sure this is a good idea?" He turned back to look at the others, but they were already gone. I patted him on the shoulder and turned left, to hide in some trees before they noticed me.

"Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it doesn't look like mutton again tomorrow!" Oh God, these trolls reeked! And Kili told us the truth when he said they were slow. From where I was behind a big tree I could clearly see their whole camp and the ponies behind them, hopefully, they couldn't see me. While the trolls argued, Bilbo sneaked around them towards the ponies. From what I could see, they were bound with strong but old rope- Bilbo was going to need a knife, and sawing those through with my less than average daggers would take too long. Damn it, what are we going to do?

"Well, I hope you're gonna gut these nags. I don't like the stinky parts." I held my breath as Bilbo just barely escaped being noticed. I kept a watch on Bilbo, waiting for the others to show, while he attempted to get the blade one of the trolls carried around on his waist. This is so intense, I can't take it!

"Oh crap, gross..." I whispered under my breath, muscles tense, when Bilbo was confused with a napkin by the very stupid troll.

"Look what's come out of me hooter!" Seriously? Where are the dwarves?!"It's got arms and legs and everything!" Jeez, if this wasn't so serious I would be rolling on the ground in stitches.

"What is it?"

"I dunno, but I don't like the way it wriggles around!" The troll sounded pretty grossed out and even scared. He threw Bilbo onto the ground and I prepared myself to run and get him. The trolls surrounded him.

"What are you then? An over sized squirrel?" Crap, that one has a knife.

"I'm a burglar- uhh, Hobbit." Ha-ha, he's getting used to his role! Now let's hope he lives long enough to fulfill it.

"A BurglaHobbit?"

"Can we cook 'im?"

"We can try!" Oh crap. The next troll words went unheard by me; I was too worried, looking around for our back up. I wish I could jump out and save the day, but right now not interfering with Bilbo's swift running around the legs seems like a better idea.

"Are there any more of you little fellas hiding where you shouldn't?" Shit, they caught him. Something rustled behind me, making me jump and turn around to see the dwarves. Finally!

Kili's roar turned my attention back to the trolls. He just sprang up from the cover of bushes and started slicing one of the trolls' legs. Hold on, Bilbo!

"Drop him!"

"You what?"

"I said, drop him." Aww, he's trying to act all macho. Unfortunately, that backfired quickly, because the fugly troll threw Bilbo right on Kili. That, apparently, was also the call to attack.

"Aaaahhh!" Everyone ran at the trolls brandishing their weapons of choice. I had my daggers and arrows, but I doubt my marksmanship could help right now with everyone jumping around like crazy, so I threw my bow and quiver behind a tree and charged the nearest troll with my daggers, dealing pretty minimal damage, even if I did slice the skin through.

The next minute was chaos. I slashed and hacked and stabbed, trying to avoid flailing weapons, arms and legs. I ducked under a leg, but was too late to dodge an arm, and got flung into the big boulder nearby. Groaning, I jumped up, helping Ori to attack, since he only had his slingshot.

As soon as it started, it was over. While we were fighting, Bilbo released the ponies, but got grabbed by the stinky trolls.

"Bilbo!"My voice joined some of the others.

"No!" Thorin held back Kili, who tried once again to rush to help the hobbit. I wanted to do the same, but I gritted my teeth and held my ground.

"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip his off!"

That did not give us much of a choice.


	8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

And that was how we found ourselves tied in sacks, unable to do much more than wriggle like worms. Some of the dwarves were already turning on the fire, being cooked as dinner for the trolls. I was laid right next to Thorin, surrounded by Kili, Gloin, Bombur, Balin, Bilbo and Oin. We were all trying to free ourselves, but judging by the sounds of complaints from everyone, we were not doing so well. I spit out the rope, deeming it impossible to chew through, and glared at the Stink Giants discussing how to eat us better.

"Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." I'd rather be cooked nicely over a fire, which seems better than having your stinking ass being the last thing I'll see!

"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." Ooh, if they weren't talking about us, I'd probably agree.

"Ooh, that does sound quite nice." Oh no, have I reached a troll level of thinking?! The others, still spinning over the flames, were really starting to worry (and cook, we'll need a lot of burn ointment if we get out of this alive). I could smell the burning beards from where I was laying.

"Is this really necessary?"

"Untie us, you monsters!"

"Take on someone your own size!"

"Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night!Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone." Say whaaaaaaaaaat?! These guys turn to stone in sunlight! And that's only in like 15 minutes or so (maybe, probably, I don't know really). I perked up in my sack, noticing Bilbo also jumped up, probably had the same idea.

"WAIT!" That stopped all the trolls in their bickering, and now everyone who was able was staring at Bilbo. "You are making a terrible mistake!"

The others didn't get our idea, unfortunately.

"You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!"

"Half-wits? What does that make us?!"

I huffed. It was true, but hearing that we were outsmarted by trolls still kinda stung.

Bilbo rolled over and hopped to stand in front of the ogres. Seriously? If he could do that, maybe he could have gotten us out in some other way! I could only sit up half way at the most, since I had a dwarf on my legs!

"Uh, I meant with the, uh, with, uh, with the seasoning." Quick, Alice, think of something smart and distracting!

"What about the seasoning?" One troll was a bit insulted by the idea, and spoke the words in a deep, threatening voice, bending over closer to Bilbo.

"Well have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." Well, well, Bilbo seemed almost cheeky when he said that! The dwarves got offended, screaming 'traitor' and such. I decided to help Bilbo, lifting up higher from the pile.

"Yeah! The way you're cooking them now is rubbish! They'll just end up tasting like chicken!"

"Chicken?!" The trolls seemed almost horrified. "No, no more chicken!"

"Wait." One of them was suspicious. "What do you know about cooking dwarf?"

The cook, though, was completely hooked.

"Shut up, and let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit and the lady talk." Awe, he called me a lady! Bilbo's new title was a lot more impressive though. I tried to hide my grin, and it was quite easy too, with all these dwarves kicking me!

Bilbo smiled and nodded to the cook, ignoring the groans and insults surrounding us.

"Uh, th-the secret to cooking dwarf is, um-" He lost his smile, and glanced at me for help. Uh-oh, what would take a long time to do but wouldn't hurt anyone? I chewed on my lip, glancing around for an idea. Oh, where was Hannah when you needed her?!

"Yes? Come on." He was very eager, his voice practically dripping with it (or saliva).I tried to help stall them.

"It's, uh-" The stink head cut me off, getting impatient.

"Tell us the secret." Bilbo was so nervous he was almost jumping up and down in place.

"Ye-yes, I'm telling you, the secret is to..." He got an idea! Everyone stopped breathing for that brief second, waiting for their sentence:"...skin them first!" NO! Why would you ever think that's a good idea?! I froze, not knowing what to do anymore, while the dwarves were in an uproar.

"Tom, get me the filleting knife." Oh SHIT. The dwarves kept yelling and squirming.

"What a load of rubbish! I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all."

I am not happy about this turn of events, not at all!

Wait a minute. I swear I saw someone in the trees behind the trolls.

"`e's right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy." The fugly grabbed Bombur, lifting him up to his mouth. I waited, frozen, unable to look away, for his jaws to crush the poor guys head.

"Not-not that one! He-he's infected!" Omg thank you so much for stopping that! The troll holding Bombur gasped in a very girly way and sharply turned his big head at the hobbit.

"You what?" The one still spinning the dwarves over the fire exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah, he's hot worms in his... tubes." I couldn't believe that they bought that, and I don't think anyone else did either. The fugly screeched and dropped Bombur like a sack of potatoes (haha, get it, because he's in a sack?...sorry), backing away, as if he could get "infected" too.

"In-in fact they all have, they're in-infested with parasites. It's a terrible business; I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't." If this works I'll kiss that friggin hobbit!

Unfortunately, the dwarves STILL did not get the idea of DAWN approaching.

"Parasites, did he say parasites?"

"We don't have parasites, you have parasites!" Smooth, best comeback ever, Kili. I can see what Hannah sees in you. Not. Some of the others around me also protested. I caught Thorin's gaze and gave him a 'look', and thank god I think he got it. We kicked those around us slightly and passed on 'the look'. IT WORKED. BEAT THAT MAGIC, WIZARDS.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm!"

"Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!"

"We're riddled!"

"Yes, I'm riddled!"

"Yes we are! Badly!"

I kept nodding to keep up with them. For a couple of seconds it looked like we got them. And then the smarter one came closer to us.

"What would you have us do then? Let 'em all go?" He grumbled in that threatening way again.

"Well..." Bilbo tilted his head sheepishly.

"You think I don't know what you're up to?" He hit Bilbo's chest a couple of times lightly with the back of his hand. Probably hurt like a bitch. Then, he turned to his fellow trolls. "This little ferret is taking us for fools!"

"Ferret?"

"Fools?"

Just then I noticed the light around us. Dawn!

"The dawn will take you all!" Shouted one of two figures that suddenly ran up on the big rock behind the trolls. It's Gandalf and Hannah! HOORAY!

"Who's that?"

"No idea."

"Can we eat 'im too?"

Hannah raised her glowing hands (wait what) and slammed them down onto the rock below her, splitting it in half and letting the sunlight stream through the crack and onto the trolls. Her heroic act faltered only a slight bit when she almost fell into the said crack herself.

The trolls screamed as their skin sizzled and crackled, turning to stone. For a second all was quiet. Nobody could believe it. And then the cheers and laughs started. I screamed in happiness, laughing. We're alive!

After everyone was finally out of their sacks and binds, and all the burns were dressed, I got to speak to my buddy.

"Do you have any idea how long we waited for you to bring back Gandalf?" I laughed, throwing my arm around her shoulders.

"Ha. Ha. I ran for a long time you know. You should thank me!"

"Why, thank you so much dear maiden!" I bowed, laughing. "Now go, your Prince Charming is looking for you." She blushed, stuck her tongue out at me for good measure, and ran away, looking for her "prince".

I looked around, spotting Thorin and Gandalf and walked up to them, asking:

"These are mountain trolls, right? What are they doing in these lands?" Gandalf glanced at me before tsk-ing.

"They must have come down from the Ettenmoors." Thorin was not happy.

"Since when do mountain trolls venture this far south?"

"Oh, not for an age, not since a darker power ruled these lands."

Damn it, now there's probably some evil force that wants to kill us all. This is how it always goes in movies, right? I grimaced, nodded at the two and walked off, not wanting to burden myself with this 'darker power'.

I looked around looking for my stuff. One of the guys brought our packs down from our campsite, but everything that was tied to the ponies was lost, as all of them bolted (even Squiggles and Rumble, they shall be missed, even though I haven't got the faintest idea as to how they got free from their ties). Fortunately Hannah and I didn't have much to begin with, so all of our things were left in our small packs, with the exception of our bed rolls. I grabbed my bow and quiver from behind the big tree where I tossed them earlier just when I heard Thorin's call.

"Search the area, there must be a cave nearby!" Hannah grabbed our packs and tossed mine to me, before quickly heading after the younger dwarves. I, on the other hand, followed Oin and Gloin.

In about ten minutes Dwalin had found the cave. I think he found it by smell, the huge cave in the side of the large stony hill reeked from a far ways away, flies buzzing around the rotten corpses that guarded its entrance. I covered my nose, eyes slightly watering from the smell, and gave a small nod to Hannah to go forward.

"Oh hell no, I ain't going in there! It smells, it's creepy looking, and there are dead bodies everywhere." She shook her head, backing away from the big hole. I shrugged, not daring to open my mouth, and followed Gandalf and Thorin inside, the others trailing behind me.

"Oh, what's that stench?"

"It's a troll hoard." Gandalf clarified for us. "Be careful what you touch."

The others started coughing and gagging as the sickly sweet, yet bitter stench of rot and dung assaulted our noses. I wished I had my cloak with me to cover my nose better, but I had left it in my pack, which was guarded by Hannah. We descended further down, and the orange light from Thorin's torch revealed the treasure of the troll hoard. On the ground in front of us lay heaps of gold coins, chests full of shiny and probably very pricey trinkets among a rotten pumpkin or two.

Inspecting the chests we glanced at each other. Bofur voiced what we were all thinking.

"Seems a shame just to leave it lyin' around. Anyone could take it." A meaningful gaze was cast by Gloin.

"Agreed. Nori, get a shovel."

As we dug a hole for all the gold (alright, I admit, I totally stuffed my pocket and pulled on some jewelry, you never know when you might need money), the others started checking every crevice of the cave for something else that might be valuable. Even Gandalf, who was the one to tell us to be careful of what we touch, pretty much touched everything. I finished burying a small chest of shiny objects and turned to Thorin, who found a sort of armory on the other side of the cave. Hey, maybe I can find a decent sword and a pair of daggers for Hannah and me!

Ignoring the conversation about blades and elves, I dug into the pile of daggers, swords and shields. After almost losing my hand twice I exclaimed a 'fuck yes!' in victory: not only did I find two very light but very sharp swords that were the perfect length for Hannah and I, but I also found two different small sets of relatively light but sturdy chainmail (I have no idea what they're made of, but I hope they fit under our leather armor), a set of elegant and flowy (is that the right way to describe them?) short daggers and two long daggers that looked like something dwarves would make, all bulky and inscribed with shapes. I dragged my find out into the light, huffing and puffing, dizzy from the stink of the cave, and threw everything gently down next to Hannah, who simply raised an eyebrow at me, yawning. I sat down next to her and explained what all the stuff was in a tired voice (do remember that we had not slept that night). She nodded, but from the way her eyes were drooping I doubt she remembers much.

We sat there for a minute, but once the others started coming up from below the ground, having saved anything they could from the piles of half rotten food, I dragged Hannah to her feet, both of us groaning. Quickly we stripped off our leather armor and threw on the chainmail over our tunics, covering them with leather again. I strapped on my small side bag (it strapped over one shoulder so it was sideways on my back and also had two buckles that went right under my chest and under my ribs that kept it from jostling) that we had bought in the last town we were in (the older bulky pack got sliced through by a stray tossed dagger). Next came my bow and quiver, fitting snugly across my back alongside the pack. I strapped the elegant daggers under my pack on my lower back for an easy reach, and finally, the sword was strapped to my side.

Since Hannah mainly used her hands for her magic attacks, her back was free to carry her not ruined older pack. She strapped her sword under the pack (I guess she doubts she would use it) and the dwarfish daggers to her sides. I just hope they aren't too heavy for her, because truthfully, being not used to all this extra metal weight we'll probably get tired faster in emergency situations. Fixing my last buckle I jumped up and down to make sure nothing made any noise of movement, and thankfully, I was as silent as a fully equipped warrior could be.

By the time we were done fixing ourselves, the others were all out of the cave, looking at their found trinkets that they took with them.

"I wonder when we're gonna move, the stink of this place is making me dizzy." I wondered. Just when Hannah was about to open her mouth a sound of movement reached our ears, making us tense and look around.

"Something's coming!" Everyone jumped to their feet.

"Stay together! Hurry now, arm yourselves." Gandalf ushered us, I grabbed my bow and readied an arrow while Hannah raised one of the bulky daggers. Quickly, all of us ran off into the woods. I had no idea if we were going towards or away from the 'something' though.


	9. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Suddenly we all stopped as something flew past us, stopping right behind, all the while screaming:

"Thieves! Fire! Murder!"

Wait a goddamn second.

"Radagast?!" Hannah and I voiced in unison, shocked to see the wizard here and in such a state. We quickly sheathed our weapons, Gandalf following our example, the others slowly also letting down their swords.

"Radagast! Radagast the Brown. Ah." The Grey Wizard was obviously relieved. He came closer to the sledge. "What on earth are you doing here?" He sounded a lot more... annoyed and exasperated? The other wizard didn't miss a beat.

"I was looking for you, Gandalf. Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong."

"Yes?" He seemed unsure whether to believe anything that came out of Radagast's mouth at all. Radagast opened his mouth to answer, but closed it. Opened again, closed it again. He forgot!

"Oh, just give me a minute. Um, oh, I had a thought, and now I've lost it. It was, it was right there, on the tip of my tongue." He paused, a strange look on his face. "Oh, it's not a thought at all!" He sounds funny, did he curl his tongue? I raised my eyebrows and looked over everyone's baffled expressions. "It's a silly old..." He opened his mouth wider and Gandalf lifted something MOVING out of his mouth! "...stick insect!"

"Huegh..!" I covered my mouth, trying to keep the vomit down. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew! Stop thinking about it! So gross! I barely noticed Hannah shaking off the thought violently next to me.

By the time I stopped gagging, Gandalf and Radagast had went off further away to speak (thank God) and the company started picking places to sit and wait for the wizards to finish and decide what we should do next. I smiled and headed towards Hannah to gossip about the icky insect, but stopped short when I noticed her sitting next to Kili. My smile fell. They've been hanging around an awful lot, and I barely ever got to speak with her anymore. Every time I tried, she just looked at me like I was not worth her time and found an excuse to trade me for her lover dwarf. Well fuck her then. Fuck all of them. I don't need them!

I huffed, turned around and climbed on some rocks further away from the company, but close enough not to be questioned (as if someone would care, hah!). From here I observed them all. The wizards were still talking (I wonder if they will mention us?). Thorin, Balin, Dwalin sat with Oin, Dori and Nori, sharpening their weapons and re-arranging their supplies. Bifur stood on a rock in front of me, keeping watch, Gloin doing the same on another rock further on my right, next to the ones I was ignoring, Fili, Bofur and Bilbo. Bombur and Ori sat on a rock on my left. Everyone seemed pretty bored. I sighed, and climbed up further on the rocky hill to look around, ignoring Bifur's gaze on my back. Maybe I'll climb a tree or something.

Suddenly an odd howl pierced the air around us.

"Was that a wolf? Are there- are there wolves out there?" Bilbo was awfully concerned. Many others were too; wolves were not famous for being a fun bunch.

"Wolves? No, that is not a wolf." By the sound of Bofur's voice I'd say whatever it was is probably worse than one.

A huge dog like creature creeped out of the bushes, alerting everyone of its presence with a deep growl, and leaped into the company from the side, knocking down one of the dwarves, about to sink its teeth into him. Thorin, however, sliced it open with his new sword just in time.

At this point another one of the creatures started to bound towards the dwarves from the direction I sat perched in a tree. Before Thorin could even turn around and yell for Kili, I had already slowed the fugly dog thing with an arrow to its side. Seizing the moment, I prepared my sword, pointing it downwards, and leaped from the tree straight onto the things back, right when it was under me, effectively finishing it off. I lifted off from the carcass, trying to ignore the awful stench of wet dog, and looked at the others, who were all gaping at me. I guess they didn't expect that.

"What the hell are these things?!" I broke the spell.

"Warg scouts! Which means an Orc pack is not far behind." Adrenaline has kicked in for Thorin already, battling an orc pack is either going to be fun, or very messy and dangerous, possibly both.

"Orc pack?" Hah, Bilbo's expression at this almost screamed 'you gotta be kidding me, what's next?!'. Gandalf, though, was awfully concerned.

"Who did you tell about your quest, beyond your kin?"

"No one."

"Who did you tell?!" The old one was angry! Thorin, on the other hand, was lost.

"No one, I swear! What in Durin's name is going on?"

"You are being hunted."_ We _are being hunted, Gandy, _WE_. We're all in the same boat, hun.

"We have to get out of here." Dwalin announced, glancing at me as I walked down to stand next to him.

"We can't! We have no ponies; they bolted."

"We'll have to run then." My input received some groans. Though how we were going to outrun these wargs was beyond me.

"I'll draw them off." My head snapped to face Radagast, who had a very determined look about him.

"These are Gundabad Wargs; they will outrun you." Gandalf was against the idea.

"These are Rhosgobel Rabbits; I'd like to see them try."

I hate running _so much_. And running around boulders and such, trying to evade the fricking Orc pack! At first, the adrenaline helped, but after a while it just got boring and exhausting. I mean, we haven't eaten in like, a day! Or slept for that matter! At least we had some water in our packs, but breaks were short and few while we ran. And honestly, Radagast sucks at distracting. By now we've been running for a few hours, and the orcs were still near us! I suppose it's hard to evade them, but could he please just go in the other direction?!

We've been running for a couple of hours by now, following Gandalf's lead to an unknown place (probably that Hidden Valley place where Thorin didn't want to go). We've had a few close calls already, once or twice someone (mainly Thorin) had to pull someone (mainly me or Ori) back so as not to be noticed. Right now we were waiting for a chance to run undetected again, just behind a huge rock. I huffed a bit leaning on the rock, when small rocks came crumbling from above me. All of us froze; we knew a warg was above us. Thorin gave a small nod in Kili's direction to take it down, preferably silently. I readied my bow, just in case, and span around along with the young dwarf.

Kili's arrow went loose first, hitting the warg in the shoulder. I was momentarily delayed by the sight of the creature on top of it; THAT was an orc?! Damn, they fugly. The bastard raised a hand with a horn to signal the pack, I was quick to let loose an arrow, knocking him and the warg off of the boulder. Against our luck, though, the warg started screeching. Its rider jumped up, swinging his sword, but was met with a team of dwarves, hitting and slashing, and both he and the warg were soon silent. But the silence came too late, they had obviously heard us.

Again, we were off running, after an hour or so, we reached the plains, where there were only small hills and pine trees to cover us form our demise. We kept running

It was early afternoon, judging by the sun, when they caught up with us. We were forced into a clearing, surrounded by hills which had wargs upon them, with one large boulder at our backs. It was time to panic.

"We're surrounded!" Fili announced.

Loading up an arrow, knowing long range weapons would be handy, and glancing at Hannah to make sure she was protected (even if she was an disloyal bitch), I waited for the right moment to attack. Kili, I noticed, was doing the same.

I let loose arrow after arrow, making sure all of them hit their mark, but I don't run out quickly.

Some orcs and wargs fell, some were merely slowed down. My proudest moment was when I hit a warg in the eye (accidently, but still!).

"Where's Gandalf?!"

"He's abandoned us!" Crap, we lost the wizard?

"Gandalf wouldn't leave us!" Is it just me, or is Hannah speaking up for the first time?

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and do something useful Oh Great and Magical one!" I shouted snidely in her direction, not taking my eyes off of the danger.

"What's your fricking problem?!" I received a shout back. Oh ho ho, this was gonna be good.

"MY PROBLEM, BITCH, IS YOU SNIVELLING AND HIDING BEHIND YOUR BOYFRIEND ALL THE TIME WHEN YOUR SUPPOSED MAGIC COULD HELP US!"

"Finally, someone said it!" Bofur, you are officially my new best buddy if we survive this!

"This is not the time! Hold your ground!" Thorin made us focus again onto the task at hand. I kept shooting. The others were getting ready to hit and slash, when a voice shouted from behind us:

"This way, you fools!" Gandalf! Hooray hidden safe path! The company was quick to react.

"Come on, move! Quickly, all of you! Go, go, go!" they dropped into the hole one after the other. I stood my ground with Kili and Hannah (what?), keeping the brunt of the attack off of them with arrows and small fire balls (wait what?!). Kili pushed Hannah behind him though and soon she dropped into the hole too. I noticed a warg I failed to slow down running towards the hole.

"Thorin, behind you!" My warning was quick enough, thankfully, and another warg fell.

"Kili, Alice! Run!" I pushed Kili behind me, slowly going after him, making sure to keep the last of wargs from following the others down the hole. I heard two thumps; Thorin and Kili were safely down. I heard some shouts of my name from below, but I had to stay and make sure they were not followed. I shot the last of my arrows into an orc astride a warg in front of me, killing it, but the warg and the others around me noticed that I ran out. I unsheathed my sword; I couldn't follow the others, that would just lead the orcs to them. I had to make sure they had enough time to get ahead at least.

The pack of fuglies, though, realized I was alone against them, and seemingly completely forgot that there used to be others with me. I slashed the wargs as soon as the got too close, keeping them at bay, but the orcs were harder to defend myself against.

And then the horn came.

It distracted the orc in front of me long enough for me to slice its neck, making him drop next to his fallen warg. Two wargs with orcs were still against me, but the others went off to handle a larger threat (one that had bows and arrows, since some orcs fell off their 'horses' shortly after the horn was blown). I heard hooves behind me, but did not turn back from the sword swinging down on my head. I deflected it, but failed to notice a second one swinging down on my side. The hit slashed through my armor and chainmail, barely stopped at all by them, and sliced my flesh over my ribs, possibly marking those too, making me scream and drop onto my back.

Well, that's it folks. This is how I die. And it fucking hurts. The last thing I'd ever see is gonna be a fugly orc, raising his sword above me to finish me off. Oh, the humanity. I closed my eyes.

And opened them, once I heard the sound of an arrow hitting its mark right above me, making the orc fall on his back, dead. Woohoo! Staying alive this time!

I rose up, carefully, noticing the lack of enemies near me, tacking my chance, and gripped my sword, using it to lift up further. Ooh, lookie, a warg saw me! Come to mama!

Ignoring the pain, I dodged a giant paw, slicing the wargs side (I think we matched in wounds now!). It growled and spun around, his fugly snout facing me, just when I slashed its nose in half, making it screech and swing another paw at me. I jumped back, out of the way, groaning in pain. One hand still pressed to my side I raised my sword, hoping to use my last strength to kill the son of a bitch. I was just about to win this glorious battle with a final swing, when the bastard dropped in front of me, an arrow stuck in its brain. I let out a displeased "whaaat?" and turned around.

"Bitch, you stole my kill!" I shouted, before dropping once again onto the ground, sitting with my legs under me, breathing hard. Oh boy, I think I might be bleeding to death. Dizzy.

The sounds of battle died around me, but I ignored it, trying to fight the dizziness, head down to the ground. I opened my eyes (when did I close them?) when I heard footsteps approaching me. Oh shit, who?! I raised my head quickly, regretting it immediately when my vision swam, making me blink like crazy trying to clear it. The blurry shape in front of me soon came to focus as the odd man crouched before me. Was this even a man? He did not look human, he was too pretty. Blonde, straight hair reflected the sunlight, mesmerizing me for a second. Oh, wait, he was speaking!

"...I did not understand any of that." I huffed out. The creature furrowed his brows. Uh-oh, he's getting blurry again. I don't feel so good. Though my side doesn't hurt as much anymore. I can't feel my fingers.

When my vision cleared there was another man before me, this one was with dark hair and a crown, no less beautiful then the other one, though. This one, I could understand.

"Speak, child. Who are you, why are you here?" My tongue seemed a bit numb, too, but I tried to answer as much as I could. I knew I was running out of time (and blood).

"I'm... Alice. Gandalf and the others...they... went down the hole... I stayed." I tried to look to my right, towards the hole, but swayed and almost fell, stopped only by a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Be calm. Rest. We will take care of you, Alice." His gentle voice was the last thing I heard.


	10. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

This is a weird outcome.

I've heard and read of how people feel like they're floating in darkness when they're unconscious, but I just never thought I'd feel it. It's like you're drowning in a dark sea, but you can breathe.

I don't like it.

Wake me up! This is creepy!

A soft light started to clear from the darkness in front of me. Wait, what am I supposed to do? I forgot, what do they say in movies?! Go or no go? This would be a lot easier to decide if the horses were quieter in their trotting.

Wait, horses?!

I opened my eyes.

And closed them again, wincing; damn, that hurts! Both the side and the sun, but you can get which is more bothersome.

I clutched the plates of armor under me tighter, feeling an arm hold me closer to someone's chest.

"Calm, child, we are almost there." There where? Were they taking me to the others? Can they drop me off at a hospital or something first? Reaching the others just to die dramatically does sound fun though. Imagine their faces- HA!

God, the jostling in the saddle is not helping my wound at all. Let's hope we'll stop soon and try to stay awake. I opened my eyes again.

Wow.

I don't know where we are, but this place would make the best postcard ever. I looked around. There were cliffs and waterfalls, and the architecture of the place we were nearing was amazing! I'm so gonna explore this!

Another spasm of pain from my wound made me grind my teeth. I'll explore it, but not today. I looked up to the guy that was holding me. It was the one with the dark hair and a crown. I like him. I feel safe with him, which is weird, I don't ever really feel safe. I sat in front of him on his horse, sideways, leaning on his shoulder, one of his hands pressed to my wound and holding me to him so I don't fall off.

As we neared the magnificent palace (as I could not find any other word that would be as accurate) another horn pierced the sound of hooves hitting the ground, making me jump and wince slightly, making the guy press harder onto the wound. I know I'm bleeding out, but fuuuck that hurts!

I looked up again as we were riding across this little bridge, not wanting to see how high we were up, and saw the company.

"Oh, hey, they're here already..." I whispered, probably getting an odd glance, but I don't care.

The riders surrounded the dwarves and I held on to the man with one hand, waiving the other towards my buddies. Some of them gawked (mainly Bilbo); the others didn't really notice (mainly everyone else). I guess being surrounded by pretty men on pretty horses would do that to you.

When we stopped spinning (thank god) the one holding me started to speak.

"Gandalf!" I decided I needed attention (still slowly dying here, people! Though I guess the man did something, because I'm hardly bleeding out anymore).

"'Sup, bitches! I suppose you thought you've seen the last of me!"

"Alice!"

"We thought you were dead for sure!" They looked like they wanted to get to me, but were cautious of the pretty men. Hannah, I noticed while being let down from the horse carefully, was at the back, looking away. Bitch.

"Not dead yet, but getting there!" I pressed a hand to the side covered in blood, keeping one hand on the pretty mans forearm firmly, since I was still unsteady on my feet. The man turned to the other pretties and told them something in that song language the other pretty tried to speak to me earlier. One of the other's and the one who stood next to Gandalf took my hand, and my favorite pretty turned to me.

"Go, they will take care of your wound."

"Uhmm... Thank you, uh..."

"I am Lord Elrond, child. We shall speak later. Go now." I nodded, and waived to the others (who seemed a bit nervous about me being taken somewhere), muttering a "bye-bye" as the other pretties (wait, they have pointed ears... elves?) led me up the stairs and down a corridor to some room. They laid me down onto a bed, and when some elven women (they are elves, right?) came in, carrying a bowl of sorts (filled with water I presume), bandages and other supplies needed, they left the room, nodding at my quiet "thank you".

The lady elves helped me wash (both my side and all the filth from the road, as there was a bath in an adjoining room), dressed my wound with linen and some herbs that should help with my healing, they explained, and helped me put on clothing (a dress, but a really pretty one anyway). They wanted to braid my hair, too, but I asked them to leave it, knowing it will curl up slightly when it dries. I thanked them, and they left, smiling at me.

I laid there on the bed and thought about things. Mainly food and a nap, as I had neither slept nor eaten in roughly a day. For food I would have to leave the bed, but I'm also really sleepy. But Lord Elrond said he'd talk to me later, so I have to stay awake. But If I stay awake-

The door opened.

In walked Lord Elrond, followed by Gandalf. The Lord was no longer wearing armor, and Gandalf looked at me with a relieved, yet disapproving gaze. Ohh, he angry.

"Hi." I smiled, hoping not to get yelled at.

"Hi? HI?! What were you thinking?! You could have gotten killed!"

"_But_ I didn't!" I chirped, cheery, smile on my face.

"Why would you ever think that staying behind to face an orc pack alone is a good idea?!"

"Calm down, Gandalf." I rolled my eyes."We needed someone to distract the orcs from the Hidden Pass or whatever you call it, and I seemed like the most logical option." He raised his eyebrows in a baffled way. Lord Elrond seemed a bit out of place, retreating further away from the bed, trying not to get involved. "First of all, the others have already jumped in, and second, I'm really the most expendable out of the whole company." He opened his mouth as if to protest, but lacked the words to do so. "See? I am neither incredibly skilled, nor do I have experience in anything that could be worth our time, nor do I have any special skill that raises me above the others. I don't have any family here, nor there would be anyone who would care that much if I died." He looked angry, and opened his mouth again, but I cut him off. "I, however, am a perfect distraction, what with the yelling and oddness and insults and occasional jabbing of a sword or arrow, you can't deny that." Gandalf seemed to deflate slightly at that.

"Oh, Alice. I will not be angry at you for doing what you thought was best, but you must understand that you have people that care for you here. What you did was very reckless, though it was indeed helpful. We would not have been able to fight the orcs in the cave very well, so you most likely saved quite a few lives. But do not keep throwing your life to the wind like that. The others thought you were dead, they were grief struck. You will have to apologize to them." I pouted.

"Fine. I'm sorry for saving your life and almost getting killed in the process, Gandalf." He huffed a little laugh.

"You might have to work on that." I smiled. Then I remembered Lord Elrond still in the room.

"Now that that's over, Lord Elrond..." I started, making him look at me. "Thank you very much for taking care of me. I hope there is some way I could repay you."

"No need, I am glad we could help, Lady Alice." He walked gracefully closer to the bed I was in, gosh, this man has to be magic, and he seems perfect in every way possible! Too bad he's too old looking for me, haha.

"None the less, I owe you. Please, if there is ever anything I could do for you, do not hesitate to ask." I smiled, trying to be as graceful as possible. If all elves are like this, then sign me up for an elf hubby, no matter how ungraceful that would make me feel like all the time! Gandalf, realizing the Lord and I barely knew who each other was, spoke.

"I think proper introductions are needed. Lord Elrond, this is Lady Alice, as you already know. She and her friend, Hannah, who you might have seen among the dwarves, have come unwillingly to Middle Earth and are trying to find a way home while traveling with the Oakenshield company. So far they have obviously been... unsuccessful." Elrond bowed his head slightly in greeting, and turned to me.

"I, as I have stated before, am Elrond, Lord of Imladris, in your tongue known as Rivendell." I'm guessing that's what this place is called.

"Nice to meet ya!" I grinned childishly. "Now, I'm interested in my wound. How long will it heal?"

"I was told that it is not very serious and should heal completely in a few weeks. You will have to rebind it from time to time, of course. But besides that and feeling weak from the lack of blood you lost you should be fit to travel, though I must insist you do not strain yourself."

"I'll try." I smiled. "Thank you again for your hospitality, Lord Elrond."

"You are our guest for as long as you stay in Rivendell, and we elves take pride in being hospitable. Now, a small feast has been called for to sate the hunger of all of the travelers, if you would like to join us, milady?"

"Yes, please!" Sleeping can wait, I'm hungry!

* * *

><p>Soooo yeah. I hope you like it. If I wrote anything wrong, please tell me.<p>

As you probably have already noticed, I don't update a lot. It's just something I never get around to doing. It would motivate me a lot more if you guys could review and give me ideas or just tell me what you think I could improve.

Anyway, thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Most of the dwarves were not very pleased with me, but happy that I was alive nonetheless. Hannah, being who she was, still refused to acknowledge my presence. Thorin was grumpy, yet grateful, but still chewed me out for making such decisions on my own. The others (mainly Bofur) just slapped me on the back and hugged me (ouch, wounded here!), threatening all sorts of things if I do something like this again. Bilbo was extremely relieved that I was alive. I was one of his best friends, at least here, on the expedition.

The feast that Lord Elrond has called for was very... peaceful. And made up of mostly salads. There was no meat, much the displeasure of the dwarves. When everyone was finally seated, and eating of salad was underway (I have to admit I kind of missed them), Thorin and Gandalf decided to show Elrond their swords.

"This is Orcrist, the Goblin Cleaver. A famous blade, forged by the High Elves of the West, my kin." He explained with slight awe, turning the sword over in his hands and finally giving it back. "May it serve you well." NEXT!

"And this is Glamdring, the Foe-hammer, sword of King of Gondolin. These swords were made for the goblin wars of The First Age..."

Bilbo and I glanced at each other, before looking down on our blades in our laps. Maybe...?

"I wouldn't bother, laddie." Balin had noticed us. "Swords are named for the great deeds they do in war."

"What are you saying, our swords haven't seen battle?"

"Not really sure it is a sword. More of a letter opener, really. Alice might want to ask about hers though."

I looked down onto my sword in my lap, glancing back up at Bilbo and his slightly beaten down expression.

"No. I'll name this sword myself one day. Maybe you will too, Bilbo." I smiled at him, and he smiled shyly back at me.

"How did you come by these?" I turned my attention back to Elrond.

"We fund them in a troll hoard on the Great East Road!" Gandalf explained, his surprise over such a find leaking into his voice. "Shortly before we were ambushed by orcs." And there's the annoyance.

"And what were you doing on the Great East Road?" Elrond's face right now, haha. Totally Busted!

Despite his obvious concerns about the destination of our journey, Elrond said nothing more on the matter, and the small feast was soon over, with only a few mishaps from the dwarves. Most of us left the table together, while Bilbo and I went exploring. When you arrive in such a beautiful place, not much else is on your mind. I however was still tired, and was not going to wonder off far.

Rivendell was a truly amazing place. The sun shone over the statues and wonderful architecture in an awe aspiring way. Bilbo and I silently walked around, comforted by each others presence I guess we both felt like we didn't belong much in the company.

We were walking up a stairway to a sunlit hallway when one of us finally disturbed the peace.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Bilbo?" I turned to him, still slowly walking. The hobbit looked slightly nervous, glancing at my bound wound, as if he wanted to berate me for my decision just like the others but did not want to make me feel bad.

"Why did you... why did you decide to stay on the field? Would it not have been better if one of the others stayed behind?" His words made a sad smile appear on my face.

"If I haven't stayed, then orcs would have definitely overrun us in the cave. Also, if one of the others had stayed, they would have undoubtedly also gotten hurt or killed, and as I've said before, I am the most expendable out of everyone." Bilbo was taken aback. He shook his head twice, before expressing his befuddlement.

"Expendable? How could you ever think you are _expendable_? You-you..! I am the one who..!" He cut of the sentence, taking a moment to calm himself. By now we've reached the top of the stairs, but we did not move further down the hall.

"You are one of my best friends. Certainly my best friend on this trip. Not only that, but you are one of the most kind, brave and definitely smart people I have ever met. I will not have you calling yourself expendable!" He almost spat the last word; I don't think I've ever seen him this angry. The surprise I was feeling at such a passionate reply from him must have been reflected on my face. Besides surprise, warmth spread through my heart. Bilbo glanced at me again and sighed, looking away. Soon he looked up into my eyes, his gaze full of concern.

"Promise me you will not try to sacrifice yourself as easily as that again." He did not need to say it, but it was obvious he felt as useless in this company as I did, and, I guess... He would miss me if I was gone. I was sure that he would be the only one in this world to feel that way, but, perhaps exactly because of that, I have never felt more thankful to have Bilbo Baggins beside me.

"I promise." I smiled at him, one of my hands gently landing on his shoulder and squeezing tightly- my silent 'thank you'. Bilbo smiled back at me, content with my answer.

After a moment, I straightened up and looked ahead.

"Shall we explore further?" I asked my companion. He nodded and walked before me.

The hall we walked through was less of a hall and more of a balcony, since on our left side there was only a handrail. On our right, though, the falls were covered in frescoes depicting old battles of the past. As we turned the corner, a statue emerged. Bilbo and I glanced at each other and moved toward the statue. In the statues arms lay a broken sword. I wonder what it meant.

In front of the statue was another fresco. I stepped closer to Bilbo as he stared into the paint. A man in fancy armor was on the ground, raising up his sword against the sword of a black scary armored knights. It must have been an epic battle to deserve such a memorial... Wait. I glanced at the sword in the mans arms and then behind me, at the broken sword. Could this be the same sword? They do look alike...

I was startled out of my thoughts by Bilbo's voice.

"Come; let's walk a bit more and then you'll go and rest." He lightly tugged my hand to continue down the hall (balcony?). I did not protest, I felt damn tired.

Soon Bilbo returned me to my room, deciding to wander around a bit more and I fell onto the bed, falling into a much needed slumber.

**A.N.:**

**So... I'm not dead, Let's have dinner?**

**Updates ****_are_**** going to be verrrrry rare. God, it's gonna take me ages to finish this fic.**

**Just fyi my plans are to go on to LOTR eventually. Oh, and I'm gonna stick to canon on most stuff. And we'll see if Hannah's character makes it to LOTR, but most likely not, it's obvious it's hard for me to write her, and its even harder to write her as a decent human being. Sorry, Hannah! (not really lol)**

**Most Romance stuff with Leggy is gonna happen at the end of this fic and later on when we move on to LOTR. Looong way to go, people. **

**I'll try to update when I can.**

**Ttfn!**


	12. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

I awoke a few hours later, my dreams plagued by nightmarish faces of grotesque orcs trying to pierce my flesh with their poisoned daggers. I doubt I will get much more sleep tonight. I rose from the bed, rebound my wound with the bandages the maids left (sloppily, but they should hold), dressed and went out in search of my dwarves. I found them all dressed in their sleep clothes (I noticed Hannah and Kili not being present), laughing around a fire eating sausages in one of the open halls overlooking the waterfalls of Rivendell. I stopped at the doorway for a moment; these were my best friends in this world, and arguably may be better friends than the ones I left behind in the other world. Their cheerful acceptance of small joys of life like good company and good food brought a smile to my face. I was finally noticed by Fili, who without his brother at his side looked slightly out of place, though it was starting to become a common occurrence nowadays. He called my name, drawing more attention to my presence, and I stepped closer, laughing, taking the vacant place by his side.

The night was spent mostly laughing and eating meats (obviously not provided by the elves), and only a few hours were spared for sleep to strengthen us before our journey in the morning, which Thorin told me about soon after seeing me join the party. He, along with a few others, was concerned about my ability to keep up with their pace while wounded, but I waved him off and assured him I would be able to keep up- a tiny (not really) flesh wound would not stop me from helping my friends. I learned Hannah was displeased by the decision to separate from Gandalf, which I suspect was less because of the inability to learn more of arcane arts without him but more because of the need to have a reassuring presence of a powerful wizard in the company. Honestly, after her dismissal of my presence I hardly cared for her anymore. I never thought that Hannah would be the kind of friend that would leave their closest buddy for a peace of dwarf ass so easily, but one can never know with humans. From all the people I've ever met, dwarves seemed like the only ones trustworthy, elves being a close second, mostly because I haven't had the time to really understand their motives yet. I did not consider wizards as human, nor as any other group. I guess to me they were more like a force of nature, but since I knew only Radagast and Gandalf, I may be wrong with my assumptions.

The dwarven company slowly decided to head off to sleep, and with a promise to wake me when it was time to leave from Bifur, I went off to my room, if not to try to sleep than to at least rest my eyes before the upcoming journey. Before turning in for the night (again) I scoured the room for a peace of paper and something to write with. Finding the needed items I wrote a small letter of gratitude to Lord Elrond, also asking to extend that gratitude to the maids that attended to me. I did not want to leave without saying goodbye.

Not long after sunrise I found myself climbing the steep path along the cliffside right behind Bilbo. My full pack was heavy on my back and the straps were painfully digging into my injury, but I paid it no mind. I was much too distracted by the lack of handrails on this path. Did I mention I have a fear of falling? Because I do.

"Be on your guard; we're about to step over the edge of the Wild. Balin, you know these paths; lead on." Thorin warned us, taking a step closer to the ledge to let Balin through. I, worried I would nudge him off, practically glued myself to the wall on my left, passing by Bilbo and following the others.

"Master Baggins, I suggest you keep up." I glanced back after hearing Thorin's words; no doubt poor Bilbo was terrified to go on without Gandalf. The wizard must have been almost like a security blanket to him, the only person he somewhat knew before this whole adventure thing. Let's hope Bilbo can make it without him.

And so we marched on without our wizard. Our company walked through hills and trees and mountains for a couple of weeks, passing many amazing sights and ruins, the likes of which Hannah and I have only seen in pictures on the internet. I kept up training with Dwalin, though at this point it was more like sparring. Sometimes we'd switch it up, and I'd train with Gloin or Fili or sometimes even Thorin instead. I was becoming quite a good fighter. While I trained with the dwarves, Hannah would usually go off on her own, or maybe with Kili, to I assume practice her magic. No one really knows what she can really do, or honestly if she can even do anything. Someone asked her what magic she can do and if she needs a staff to actually do something once while we were sitting around a campfire, and she mentioned that a staff helps concentrate ones abilities, but avoided answering questions about magic altogether. I think that without Gandalf around she didn't know what to do with herself. I personally wasn't speaking to her at all. She did not avoid me, but acted like I wasn't even there, so it was not a hard feat. The others obviously noticed our lack of communication, but did not comment on it; it really didn't affect them, so why get involved? So we kept up the routine walking, ignoring each other.

On the seventeenth day since leaving Gandalf in Rivendell, it started raining again. It was a hard and heavy rain, strengthened by cold wind, making my eyes water and skin freeze. Worse than that- we were once again walking on a small ledge on a cliff, the stone under our feet slippery from the rain, our fingers almost too frozen to grip onto the wall for support. I kept Bilbo behind me as I walked, to shelter him as much as I could from the harsh weather, but I didn't make much of a difference. The rain kept hammering throughout the day and we kept on walking. The sun was nowhere to be seen, we had nowhere to stop and rest and I feared we wouldn't find a place for the night. With this storm it was already hard to see where we were going, but at night it would most definitely be pitch black.

"Hold on!" A strong gust of wind and rain carried Thorin's voice to us, and I resisted rolling my eyes. Like we haven't been holding on for the last eight hours. Still, I carefully followed Bofur.

"Wooouh!"

"Bilbo!" The stone under his feet had given away, and if not for Dwalin and I, he would have most definitely fallen in. I held on to him, pressing him into the wall and slightly covering him from the wind. "Be careful Bilbo. Breathe." I tried to calm him down, looking into his eyes, only turning back to keep walking once I got a nod of reassurance that he was in fact, all right.

"We must find shelter!" Obviously!

"Watch out!" I stopped my walk, startled by the loud shout behind me. I followed Dwalin's gaze upwards and my jaw dropped.

A giant boulder was flying at us.

WHAT THE HELL.

It hit the cliff above us with a thunderous crash, making me drop onto one knee and press myself as hard as I could to the cliffside, fearing for my life. Rocks dropped from above, hitting the path by our feet, breaking peaces of it off and falling down into darkness.

"This is no thunderstorm! It's a thunder battle, look!" What in the goddamn fuck was going on?! Oh, look a STONE GIANT. What else is in this damned Middle Earth?! Oh, and he's throwing boulders! FUCKING PERFECT. We're all gonna die.

"Well bless me, the legends are true!" Consider yourself blessed Bofur; can we get out of here somehow now?! "Giants; Stone Giants!"

The ground under our feet trembled and the shockwave of another thrown boulder rand through us, the noise of it almost covering up Thorin's and Dwalin's screams.

"Take cover; you'll fall!"

"HOLD ON!"

We pressed ourselves as much as we could to the stone wall, not wanting to follow the rocks down. The small path we were walking on earlier became thinner and thinner with each hit, nearing our feet, making all of us panic. And then, the ground started moving.

I barely even felt it at first, trying to keep my head down as much as possible, but even I noticed when the STONE GIANT who's legs we were on stood up, only to get head butted by another giant, making holding on so much more difficult than it already was. The next memories were a bit of a blur of swinging on a giant leg, being absolutely terrified, seeing the pale, panicked, faces of our friends, full of fear, swinging right past us, and the cliffside coming straight at us, full speed. I was completely convinced we were going to die. My last thought was "oh, _fuck_" and with a tremendous hit, we flew off the Giants leg, hitting the ground, falling one on top of the other.

For a few seconds, all I could do was breathe, listen to my racing heart and chant _'oh my god_' in my head, but after I heard the shouts of the others, and the feeling came back to my limbs, I carefully started to shove off dwarves off of me.

"Where's Bilbo? Where's the Hobbit?!" My head shot up.

"Bilbo?!" Oh no no no.

"There!"

"Grab him!" I stood to the side, wanting to help Bilbo but also not wanting to get in the way. My heart almost stopped and I think I screamed when he almost fell. Thorin, our hero, jumped down from my side, heaving Bilbo up, away from danger. Just when I thought I'll get to calm down, I noticed Thorin's hand slipping and dropped to the ground, outstretching my arm to him.

"AH! GOD YOU'RE HEAVY!" I screamed, trying to raise him back up, my shoulder screaming from the strain. Thankfully, Dwalin was at my side and helped me drag Thorin back up. Once I made sure everyone was safe, I groaned, clothing my arm. That's so gonna smart tomorrow.

"I thought we lost our burglar." Dwalin sighed next to me, breathing heavily.

"He's been lost ever since he left home. He should have never come. He has no place amongst us." That was mean. I'll chew him out when my heart starts working again. Thorin walked past my crumpled self, nodding at me, I guess as a thank you, stepped towards a cave (finally - shelter!), and looked back at us. "Dwalin!"

Slowly, yet with haste (no one wanted to stay in the rain any longer, but no one had much energy) we all followed them inside the cave.


	13. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

I followed the shivering company into the cave. It was dark, cold, and smelled dank. Worse- Thorin forbade us from making a fire. Great, I survived the stone giant battle only to get sick and die, brilliant! So, tired and freezing, I fished some dry clothes and a blanket from my bag (which fortunately was thick enough to not let everything get soaked), and silently held up the blanket for Hannah to dress behind, who extended the courtesy after she was done. We might not get along anymore, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, you know?

By Thorin's command we were to leave at first light, and not wait for Gandalf, about which a few people were unhappy. Bofur took the first watch and we, exhausted, finally got some rest.

I was awoken from my sleep by soft voices, coming from near the entrance to the cave. It was obviously Bofur, conversing with... Bilbo? I did not open my eyes or betray in any way that I was not asleep, but strained my hearing.

"Thorin said I should never have come, and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door." Oh, Bilbo, that's not true at all. God, he sounded like he was going to cry.

"You're homesick; I understand."

"No, you don't, you don't understand! None of you do - you're dwarves. You're used to - to this life, to living on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere." Ouch. That made me think of Hannah and I. Will we ever get home? Or will we keep wondering like the dwarves?

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." Bilbo cleared his throat, regretting his words. After a pause, Bofur softly answered.

"No, you're right. We don't belong anywhere. I wish you all the luck in the world, I really do." So Bilbo was leaving. I worried about his safety on the trip home, but I really shouldn't have. "What's that?"

Noises echoed through the stone under us, making me rise up, quickly grabbing and strapping up my things (I forgot the blanket in my haste, but I really didn't care at that moment).

"Wake up. Wake up!" Before anyone could do much else, the floor disappeared from under our feet. Did I mention I was afraid of falling?

"AAAAHHHHHH!" The next moments were filled with screaming, sliding, falling and crashing into walls and dwarves. Finally, we fell onto one another (thankfully the humans fell onto the much sturdier dwarves and not the other way around). I clutched my head for a second, having hit it on a wall while sliding. Yay concussions!

I didn't even have time to look around before a bunch of icky stinky tiny creatures rushed upon us from all sides, tearing our stuff out of our hands, their sticky hands ripping off our weapons from us. Thankfully, they couldn't figure out the straps of my pack, so I was left with it on. The gross bastards dragged and pushed us further down a path, in a stinky wave of ickyness. God, they were icky. Some of us tried fighting them, but with the sheer number of them it proved not possible.

After quite a long and stinky walk we were forced to stand before the biggest, fattest, grossest fucktard I have ever seen. My eyes were watering, and I'm not even going to speak of my nose. The smaller bastards were gross; a sickly pale yellowish brown color with all kinds of sores all over their tiny gross bodies, but this huge fuck was unbelievably fat, covered with sores and an odd patch of hair or two, with a skin/fat bag for a beard and a crown on his head. Our weapons were tossed into a pile before us (dumb move on their part) and the fat bastard spoke.

"Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom? Spies? Thieves? Assassins?!"

"Dwarves, Your Malevolence." The whole 'not noticing human females in a dwarf group' has become a pattern. Though I guess we were dressed like them and our hair was braided like theirs.

"Dwarves?"

"We found them on the front porch." I knew that cave was too good to be true, even if it wasn't that great in the first place.

"Well don't just stand there; search them! Every crack, every crevice!" Oh fuck no. The fuglies started grabbing us as soon as I started hitting them in the face, loudly protesting, but unfortunately they still managed to finally get my pack off, getting a few inappropriate grabs in the process. Behind me I heard the same thing happen to Hannah. This also unfortunately meant they recognize us as not dwarf males. We were pushed a bit forward by some fuglies, two of which were still holding my arms in case I started hitting again, while the fugly that talked with the fat bastard spoke again.

"These two are human! Females, oh Great One..." He grinned. That does not sound in any way good or appropriate.

"Humans traveling with dwarves! What are you doing in these parts? Speak!" All of us stayed silent, a couple glancing around to make sure others do so.

"Well then, if they will not talk, we'll make them squawk! Bring out the Mangler! Bring out the Bone Breaker! Start with the women." He pointed at us. I was getting ready to jump into a fight again, when a voice bellowed from behind us.

"WAIT." Thorin calmly pushed himself in front of us, his steely gaze locking with the fat bastards.

"Well, well, well, look who it is. Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror; King under the Mountain." The Giant Fugly bowed exaggeratedly to Thorin. The smaller fuglies cackled quietly at the sight. "Oh, but I'm forgetting, you don't have a mountain. And you're not a king. Which makes you nobody, really." Thorin did not portray his frustration, standing as calm as ever. "I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head. Just the head, nothing attached. Perhaps you know of whom I speak, an old enemy of yours. A Pale Orc astride a White Warg." This had finally broken Thorin's cool facade.

"Azog the Defiler was destroyed. He was slain in battle long ago." He practically growled out.

"So you think his defiling days are done, do you?" The bastard crooned, leaning closer to Thorin, casting a not so subtle glance Hannah and I's way. Ewwww. Then, giggling, he turned to a tiny fugly sitting in a basket (seriously?) and holding some kind of writing tools. "Send word to the Pale Orc; tell him I have found his prize." The tiny bitch wrote something down, pulled a lever, and cackling rode his basket down into the tunnels.

The next half an hour or so (no idea really) was spent trying to wriggle out of the goblins (as I was informed by Nori while I screamed profanities) hold, unsuccessfully. It was made worse by the singing of the Goblin King about our oncoming torture. It really wasn't as bad as it could have been, at least, not until one goblin decided to be nosy and unsheathed Thorin's sword from its scabbard.

"I know that sword!" Screamed the Fugly King, all the goblins going nuts and freaking out. "It is the Goblin-Cleaver, the Biter, the blade that sliced a thousand necks!" Then they decided they got bored of waiting for their torture machines and started hitting us with chains, punching and biting and scratching at us. The men tried to cover Hannah and I as much as they could but the goblins still got a couple of good hits in, one chain managed to get me in the exact same spot I hit my head, making my vision swim.

"Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! Cut off his head!" Just as a bigger goblin got a jump on me and wrapped its sticky icky hands around my neck and I heard Agne's scream among all the other shouts a massive explosion of bright light threw everyone onto the ground. For a couple of moments I couldn't see or hear anything. Slowly, I rose up from the ground, kicking the twitching fugly off of me.

"Take up arms." That voice! My head shot up, vision still swimming. "Fight. Fight!" That made us act.

Everyone jumped up off the ground with renewed energy. Gandalf's return was unexpected but very, very fortunate. We quickly kicked and punched goblins out of our way, grabbing our weapons and remaining packs off of the ground as fast as we could. Goblins rushed at Gandalf, who sliced them with his long sword.

"He wields the Foe-Hammer, the Beater, bright as daylight!" At this point the fat bastard was just like a sports commentator.

The battle raged on. I sliced, kicked, deflected, dodged, rammed, hit, deflected, slashed, barely having time to notice what was going on around me. Thorin got rid of the giant fugly by pushing him off of the ledge of the platform we were on, and soon their numbers were small enough for us to maneuver around.

"Follow me. Quick! Run!" We hurried after Gandalf, leaving the platform riddled with goblin corpses. Running down the handrail less bridges I really tried not to think about falling and just about putting one foot in front of the other.

We ran and ran, but the goblins caught up to us eventually. Fighting while running was a lot harder than when standing still. We hat to think up things on the spot, like cutting off certain ropes and using ladders as shields. Worst was when we had to jump on a swinging bridge. Best when Gandalf used a giant boulder to crush oncoming goblins, kinda like Indiana Jones. We ran and ran, fighting, when suddenly the Great Fugly jumped through the plank path scaring most of us half to death. We obviously stopped, and goblins once again surrounded us.

"You thought you could escape me?" He swung his staff around, making Gandalf jump back and almost fall, only to be pushed back up by Nori and Ori. "What are you going to do now, wizard?" The fugly mocked.

Gandalf simply leaped forward and struck the goblin in the eye with his staff, causing it to scream an odd "ow" and clutch its face, then the wizard sliced through the fat bastards belly, making it drop to its knees.

"That'll do it." The Goblin King nodded a final time, before his neck was slashed by the Foe-Hammer. Unfortunately the fall of the Fat Goblin disturbed the little bridge we stood on too much, and it started crumbling around us. We only had time to look at each others faces once, before we all plunged into the darkness below.

"AAAHHH!" Screaming and falling, again. This time, though, we were clutching onto the remains of the bridge, riding it along the edge of the cliff like a surfboard. Certain obstacles in the way slowed us down considerably, and just when I thought we would go splat, we slowed down to a complete stop right next to the ground. I jumped out of the rubble quickly, dragging Hannah, who was clutching onto me for the ride, along, and stood nearby, breathing heavily.

"Well, that could've been worse." As soon as Bofur uttered those words, the corpse of the Goblin King fell right on top of the rubble, crushing the remaining company underneath it. I admit it, I laughed as hard as I could at that moment. "You've got to be joking!" Dwalin's strained voice made me laugh even harder.

As the dwarves dragged themselves out from under the dead king, Kili noticed the oncoming army of goblins.

"Gandalf!"

"There's too many, we can't fight them!" Dwalin shouted, helping the others.

"Only one thing will save us: daylight! Come on! Here, on your feet!" We grabbed the ones still not standing and started to run again. Fuck, if we survive this we'll be fit as hell!

We ran down rows upon rows of tunnels, screeches of goblins echoing behind us, forcing us to pump our legs faster. Finally seeing light at the end of a tunnel was like a dream come true (or I died of a heart attack while running).

The first breath of fresh air hit my lungs like a punch. Daylight stung my eyes, but with the new flow of oxygen we ran even faster down the mountain. Unfortunately, it seemed while only daylight could save us, it was already close to sundown. Still, after a couple more minutes of running, we allowed ourselves a minute of rest to count heads.

"Five, six, seven, eight...Bifur, Bombur...that's ten...Fili, Kili, Alice, Hannah, that's fourteen...and Bofur- that makes fifteen. Where's Bilbo? Where is our hobbit? Where is our Hobbit?!" Gandalf's counting made us notice the lack of Bilbo in the company. Damn it all, I completely forgot to check on him! Please don't tell me we lost him!

"Curse the halfling, now he's lost?!" Hey!

"Anyone of us could've gotten lost in there, Dwalin!" My angry tone was an obvious warning.

"I thought he was with Dori!"

"Don't blame me!"

"Well, where did you last see him?"

"I think I saw him slip away, when they first corralled us." We all stared at Nori.

"What happened exactly? Tell me!"

"I'll tell you what happened." Damn it, Thorin do not start this again. "Master Baggins saw his chance and took it! He's thought of nothing but his soft bed and warm hearth ever since he stepped out of his door!"

"Bilbo would never leave us in danger and you know it, Thorin! What the hell is your problem with him anyway?! He's probably still in there; I'm going back for him."

"He is long gone, Alice!" I turned to him angrily, about to start arguing again, when a voice stopped me.

"No, he isn't." For fucks sake that took a load off of my shoulders. The damn hobbit appeared from friggin nowhere.

"Bilbo!" I grinned at him.

"Bilbo Baggins! I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life!" Gandalf smiled as wide as he could, stepping towards the hobbit, who strode into the makeshift circle we stood in.

"Bilbo, we'd given you up!"

"How on earth did you get past the goblins?!"

"How, indeed."

Awkward silence and a couple of shifty glances from Bilbo made me raise my eyebrows.

"Well, what does it matter? He's back!" Gandalf saved the hobbit from answering the question.

"It matters!" Or maybe not. "I want to know: why did you come back?" Thorin if you start arguing again I will ground you. Or ask Gandalf to ground you. Bilbo paused a bit before answering.

"Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag End. I miss my books, and my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong. That's home. And that's why I came back, cause you don't have one. A home. It was taken from you." Somehow I knew that he wasn't just talking to the dwarves this time. "But I will help you take it back if I can."

After Bilbo's speech, everyone was silent, but most, including myself, smiled at the hobbit. I doubt I'll ever meet someone as nice as him.

The peaceful moment was shattered when howls of wargs pierced the silence. Everyone immediately grabbed onto our weapons, preparing to run again. God this was tedious.

"Out of the frying pan..."

"...and into the fire! Run! RUN!"


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

My lungs puffed, legs pumped, sweat running down my brow. We ran as fast as we could downhill, our momentum making it difficult to concentrate on not tripping over roots and logs, barely having enough time to glance at each other. I tried to run as fast as I could while still keeping Bilbo in my sights. I promised myself I would protect him, and I already lost him once. I won't do so again this soon.

While the sanctuary of sunlight was godsend, it was also short-lived. Golden sun changed into red lights, quickly followed by the cover of night and pale moonlight. Our running company was soon at a disadvantage. Wargs were upon us fast. Jumping over us, trying to nip on our heels. We cut down as many as we could while still running. Damn it, if we could just get down this mountain.

Weaving through the trees and warg corpses and barely looking at my feet I was extremely surprised by the sudden lack of ground under my feet. All this time we were running towards a cliff! It's a good thing Dwalin grabbed me before I died from one of my biggest fears. We all stopped, clutching our weapons for dear life, searching for any sign of possible escape.

"Up into the trees, all of you! Come on, climb! Bilbo, climb!" Gandalf and his plans to the rescue! Kind of. This probably just delays the inevitable. Warg food.

I quickly "ran" up the last tree on the cliff (figured I was gonna die anyway) and grabbed a branch, heaving myself up on to it, steadily climbing a bit further up and stopping to make sure everyone else was up. For a bunch of reasonably aged dwarves and an ancient wizard they were surprisingly really agile, most have already found their way up. Agne was pulled up by Kili, obviously. Bilbo, though, was having a bit of trouble, but just as I was getting ready to jump down to his side he shimmied up the nearest tree, just in time too, for the wargs were already upon us.

The canine monsters circled around our trees like starved sharks, occasionally jumping up to crunch off a branch, trying to get to us, each time coming closer and closer to getting us, making the trees swing wildly and us grip onto them for dear life. And then they stopped, realizing that we weren't going anywhere anytime soon. And because the big bad Pale Orc finally came along. How do I know that? Because he was big and white (or pale) and on a white warg. And he was missing an arm. Instead he had a really pointy blade impaled through his elbow. Well he looks like a fun dude.

"Nuzdigid? Nuzdi gast?" Whaaat. Fuck, if people are going to speak in their own languages I'm going to start singing Lithuanian folk songs just to piss everyone off. "Ganzilig-i unarug obod nauzdanish, Torin unag Train-ob." That sounded suspiciously like a yo mamma joke. The orc shifted on his mount threateningly, pointing his mace towards Thorin. "Kod, Toragid biriz. Worori-da!" With a war cry, the fuckmuncher wargs started relentlessly jumping, clawing, and gnawing at the trees. We swung wildly, nails digging into the coarse bark, fingertips bleeding from the friction.

"Sho gad adol!" I couldn't take it. As loudly as I could, making my throat sore in the process, I screamed back:

"Yeah? Well eik nachui ir čiulpk ožio bybį tu supista gauruota subine!" From the next tree I heard the uncontrolable laughter from Agne. Well that certaintly raised my spirits. Azog, realising he's being mocked, roared once again.

No matter how much fun telling a fearsome orc army leader to basically fuck himself and suck a goats dick because he has a hairy ass was, it did not increase our chances of survival.

Our giggling stopped when the trees under our feet and butts, started groaning even worse. And then started going down, one after the other, creating a massive Domino effect. The screaming company (who by now has convinced me that they were actually a traveling circus) jumped from falling tree to tree, eventually all gathering on the last tree on the cliff. Wargs, still dissatisfied with their small victory, continued to try and reach our dangling feet. I kept my attention on them, sword in one hand and the other wrapped around the tree trunk, knees squeezing the branch under my bottom (I was sitting on it like on a bench, which probably wasn't the best idea). There was no way we could survive this. If we were all archers with full quivers (alas, mine was empty) then maybe, but most of us used swords, and even throwing them at our enemies was not going to help us at all. Azog's chilling chuckle reached my ears over the growling of wargs, making shivers go down my spine. We were so dead. Glancing around me I saw that everyone has come to the same realization. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

And then a burning pine cone flew over my head and hit the underbrush by the wargs, lighting everything around it on fire.

"The Fuck Was That?!" I screamed to the Wizard a few levels above me.

"Who the fuck cares, it's working!" Hannah screamed back at me. Can't argue with that logic.

And that's how we started the flaming pinecone throwing game. Every warg hit was worth ten points. Gandalf and Hannah provided us with ammo; we just had to aim well. We did get tons of burns and blisters on our hands, but it was a fun game nonetheless. I had 30 points!

But luck was never on our side, it seemed. Just when things started to get fun, the tree we were on (yes, the one _on the edge of a cliff_) started falling. I froze, holding on to everything as hard as I could, leaning forward to stay somewhat vertical. My heart is not going to handle this, I'm gonna die! If not by going splat than from a heart attack! My ears were ringing, which my terrified brain vaguely realized was because of the screams of the company and I. The tree creaked and fell, and just as it became horizontal and I was sure we would start free falling, it stopped. I was pretty much just sitting there, hands bleeding from burns and scratches, nails broken and gripping on the bark. I was not convinced we weren't going to fall further, but I still relaxed enough to observe my surroundings. Most of the dwarves were barely holding on, Dori and Ori hanging only by Gandalf's staff, Kili holding both him and Hannah up with his hands constantly slipping from the tree branch, the others all stuck in a way they couldn't move unless they wanted to fall. The only one that I could see that was capable of getting up without me was Thorin. And he did. He rose up, standing on the tree trunk, Orcrist in his hand, his back to me, and walked towards the orcs.

The idiot was going to try to take them all on himself.

I realized I was still holding my sword (HOW?!) and quickly shoved it in its sheath. Getting from a sitting position to a standing one on a tree that was balanced over a cliff was going to be tricky as hell. Just don't look down. Grip both sides of the branch under you. Don't look down. All I could hear was the adrenalin pumping through my veins. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. I can't deal with this. I need to distance myself to deal with this. Carefully lift one foot up and place it under you, raising yourself into a half crouch. You can do this, Alice, don't look down. Thorin just got thrown on the ground by the white warg. FUCK CRAP FREAKING OUT. _FOCUS!_ Don't look at Thorin. Other foot under you. YOU LOOKED AT THE FOOT AND AT THE GROUND _WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT_ YOU ARE SO HIGH UP LOOK STRAIGHT _LOOK STRAIGHT_. Grip a branch to your right before you lose balance! Slowly stand up. Do _not_ look down. Thorin got up and got hit by a mace, _hurry up, we need to help him. _Bilbo rose from in front of me. _Move. _I forced my frozen muscles to follow him off of the tree. I'm pretty sure I might be in shock. I'm so terrified I can't think. I can't, I can't, I can't. _I have to do this, __**move**_.

He's being crushed by warg jaws. _**No**_. I think I screamed that. Everything feels like a dream. I can do anything in dreams. I have to _help. _Unsheathed sword, gripped tightly. Flames all around, heat licking at my skin, smoke hurting my eyes, making it hard to breathe. Thorin is thrown like a rag doll to the side. I might not save them, but I won't go down without a fight. _Fight_. Azog seemed disappointed in the short fight with Thorin, and sent the other orc to finish the job. Bilbo ran ahead towards them. Somehow, they still haven't noticed us. The sound of our feet hitting the ground was masked by the cracking of the burning shrubs and fallen trees. As the orc readied his curved sword to behead Thorin, Bilbo jumped, full speed, at its side, throwing him away from our dwarf. I, on the other hand, sprinted towards Azog, weapon raised, jumping up with the agility I never thought I'd have and landed with one foot onto the white wargs forehead, sword clashing with Azogs hand/blade. Flash of his angry, growling, stinky face, and surprised eyes and I immediately kicked myself off the warg, barely avoiding the mace swinging at my face (this is no time for rhymes, brain, fight mode, go!). Swipe wargs nose in half, jump back to avoid claws, Azog distracted by Bilbo killing his buddy orc, fall back towards Bilbo to protect him. I breathe heavily, exhaustion finally catching up to me amongst all the adrenaline rushes, and almost choke on the smoke. Azog was joined by his buddies on wargs and undoubtedly ordered them to kill us. No one stalks at you like that without the intention to kill you. My hands are shaking, sword slick in my hand from the blood, rubbing against the burns and cuts, but still I hold it tighter. I raise it, just like Dwalin taught me, feet apart, knees bent, defensive stance. And then the others rushed at the wargs from the side. Everything exploded in a flurry of motion. Most of the company was slashing and hacking at wargs, Bilbo protecting Thorin at my side. He took a random fugly, while I danced with Azog and his warg. Strike, jump back, parry, jump to the side, slash. He was getting angry and I was getting tired, my head spun, legs trembled, and sword kept slipping. But the pain was keeping me focused. Besides, Thorin must be feeling way worse right now. CRAP, MACE! I jumped too slow, and got a mace to the side. Damn it, I always keep my sides too open. The power of the hit threw me to the side, making me land on my shoulder, head banging against the ground. Everything spun, vision dulled, focus it again. Rise, you're gonna die. I lift myself up to see the white orc stalking towards me, and I stumble backwards, right into Bilbo, who steadies me and stands beside me, ready to face Azog. I don't think we can hold out much longer.

A whoosh of air and the screaming of an orc distracted me from Azog, making me look to the side. Eagles. Giant Eagles were picking off wargs and orcs one by one, throwing them off the cliff or crushing them underneath trees. What. I can't even... what?!

Azog roared, realizing he was screwed. Then Eagles started catching us. One already carried off Thorin, I was so shocked I couldn't react fast enough. Then one came straight at Bilbo and me.

"No, no, no,no-AAAHHHH!" We both screamed as giant claws lifted us from the ground, into the air, and let us go again. A heart attack later we hit the back of another Eagle. Still screaming. Once I realized we weren't going to die ( or rather, Bilbo calmed me down as apparently, the eagles were the good guys, and were carrying the company to safety, as I was still kind of freaking out), I sat down more comfortably behind Bilbo, gripping his tiny jacked like it was the only thing keeping me from falling.

We flew for some time. If I wasn't so terrified, hurting (still bleeding hands and most likely a couple of broken ribs, probably a concussion), worried about Thorin and exhausted, it might have been relaxing. Beautiful, even, as the sights from birds view (hehe, get it?) were amazing. Unfortunately, that was not the case. I spent the entire ride tense and internally freaking the fuck out.

We finally reached our destination, some kind of pointy rock in the middle of nowhere. Thorin was put down first, and we quickly followed after.

"Thorin!" Gandalf jumped to action with what I assume was a healing spell, whispering something and dragging his hand across Thorin's face. When Thorin opened his eyes, all the tension seemed to leave my body, and a smile graced my face despite my shaking.

"The halfling?" Thorin gasped out in a whisper.

"It's all right. Bilbo's here. He's quite safe." Gandalf turned from him to look at us, smiling. It was getting a bit hard to breathe and stand, but I clasped my hand on Bilbo's shoulder to steady myself. He didn't seem to mind.

Whatever Gandalf did to Thorin must have been amazing, because he was already standing (got some help getting up, mid you, but still standing).

"You!" He angrily barked at Bilbo. U-oh. Not again. I let go of the hobbit and stepped away. Not dealing with this if it turns into a fight, too dizzy. "What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed!"He walked closer with every word. "Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild and that you had no place among us?" Oh, ouch, that was really mean! He was face to face with Bilbo now, poor guy was really frightened. "I've never been so wrong in all my life!" He hugged Bilbo. HE HUGGED BILBO. MY BRAIN CANNOT PROCCESS THIS. Aww they're so cute. Bilbo looked as shocked as I. I smiled, hearing the others cheer. "I'm sorry I doubted you." Thorin gently spoke, looking Bilbo over for injuries.

"No, I would have doubted me too." The hobbit shook his head. "I'm not a hero, or a warrior... not even a burglar." He directed the last part to Gandalf jokingly, making everyone chuckle. Thorin then, as if just remembering something, turned to me.

"And you." Uh-oh. "Was I dreaming when I saw you facing Azog?" He almost growled out, oh shit.

"Ummm..." I pressed my lips together nervously. "No?" I quietly uttered, but he still heard me.

"Are you insane?! Risking your life like this, again?! Azog is a fearsome, deadly foe, there was no way you could take him!"

"Well I was sure we were going to die anyways so why not go fighting?!" I shouted back, regretting it immediately, as that made me tense my muscles, which moved my broken ribs. "Gah!" I clutched my side, trying to not make a show of it and failing horribly. Oh hey I was bleeding how did I not notice? The armor covered most of the damage from being seen apparently. This hurt worse than that time I was stabbed.

"You're hurt!" Thorin grabbed my arm to steady me. How did he get here so fast?

"Yeah, well you know from experience that the huge mace Azog was carrying was not just for show." I gasped out. It really is getting hard to breathe. Every breath was like a stab. Spots danced in my vision as I clutched onto him, trying to keep standing. He was saying something. I couldn't hear it clearly. I can't breathe. Crap, what do I do I can't breathe, there's something blocking my airway. Cough! Oh god that hurt. I tasted blood dripping from my lips. Crap. I didn't think I was hurt this bad. This is weird. Am I dying? I could barely see or hear anything by now. I still can't breathe. There's movement around me, hands grabbing me, laying me down on the ground and then **darkness**.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.:<strong> First part is done! Sorry for the long wait, my life has been pretty hectic. I don't know what I'm going to do with this story now, honestly... I want to continue it, but I also want to rewrite it, mostly to exclude the character of Hannah. She was pretty imported when I started writing this first, but now I pretty much don't speak with her at all, so that's why I barely address her character. Though she might be more interesting later on in the movies when Tauriel is introduced... What do you think?

Also, on the Legolas romance thing. There will be no lovey-doveyness at least in the Hobbit saga. Honestly, in these movies, I have waaay more hots for Thranduil than his son. But I also plan to keep going to Lord of the Rings, and thats where most romance with Legolas would be. What do you think about that?

Again, sorry for the late updates. Please review!


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